Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team

Thank you for support. Oak, yes there is now medicine paid for by government and I am on this medication. It is working and without it I would be in hospital on a drip right now. Immune suppressant medication, medication for the arthritis the condition flairs up with on little episodes like this, and many other things I have to take to get the bowel to stop the spasms. The downside to all this is I am not allowed pain killers with any anti inflammation components. This makes things much worse. It’s a very interesting thing to navigate.

I did email my bowel nurse last night out of desperation as I’ve not been this bad in a very very long time. Today I have woken up late and had a good rest, let’s see what the day brings. Eating becomes scary! My white blood cell count is very low so see what the doctors want to do. Ride this out and bounce back as soon as the body allows. Just mentally trying to gain some control.

Lost a week of training so will be a gradual come back I feel. Not long before race, I need to more forgiving on myself.

Better get in shower and check on patients. Last night i did force myself to library book group catch up, Joe waited in the car at the entrance in case I couldn’t cope. Got home and fell into bed face down and woke up 11hours later!

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this, and I hope you can get back to an equilibrium soon. (Seems like a real balancing act of symptoms, meds, and side effects).

Take things slow, and no need to push yourself. (And tell that inner voice if it should pipe up, to shag right off! )

A couple of recent books that I'm reading/have read, and I found enjoyable;

"Unraveling" by Peggy Orenstein
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60916166-unraveling

(During lockdown the author decided to undertake the making of a sweater, from the shearing to the carding, to the spinning, to the dying, to the knitting to the wearing. Lots of personal reflections along the way.

"Maybe you should Talk to Someone" by Lori Gottlieb
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/37570546-maybe-you-should-talk-to-someone

(A young female therapist goes to an older male therapist (her choice) for help in understanding why her fiancé suddenly backed out of tying the knot. Interweaves her sessions with those of her patients. Quite persona, engaging and illuminating.)

(Side reflection - Why do any sort of negative reviews on Good Reads bother me a all? Aside from the thoughtful and constructive ones, people do love to do "drive-by shootings" just like all over the Internet, sigh...)

[Mental Fairy]

Hi SD

The book “Maybe you should talk to someone” is a book I will always remember reading. It was so profound.

The energy level is better today, a little fragile feeling but a noticeable difference to yesterday. If a meteorite was to hit our house I wouldn’t have moved an itch. I still got to book group out of pure frustration with my body and determined to do hard things!

Snowing on the hill today, I have my niece tomorrow for the day so want to take her up there. 4am starts for me are normal, the last few days I can’t even believe I will still facedown into my pillow at 8am. That’s when I know something is wrong! The silly part is the hunger, I get hungry but can’t eat, if I do it has to be something I know is ok to ingest. It’s like a cruel torture.

Your image on the photos post is lovely also, beautiful painting. Currently have a painting under our spare bed that I grew up looking at but it’s too ugly to hang up! I should take it to good will or something. Will take a photo later and see what your thoughts are! I think it’s the frame it’s in that I don’t like.

Onwards and upwards

[Mental Fairy]

Today I got up, I put my feet onto the floor. I put my kit on and instead of turning left at the gate I turned right. I am currently reading a book about a runner who decided to turn right. I have it a go. This week has been spent recovering physically from Crohn’s flair. Bloody donuts.

I ran 10.22km. Very slow and very frustrating. The mental game started to play up a little, the self criticism especially leading up to a race.

I collected my niece this morning, my brother was going to kayak some rivers as we have had lots of rain. She ran up to me with a hug and asked me to take her up the hill. (Mountain) I couldn’t say no. She is 13. She must of planned this as she was already dressed for it. We went back to mind and I changed. Knowing I am recovering and just ran a slow 10 I just bit down and took her up. It rained, snowed, blew gales and we crawled up to the hut entrance. It was so beautiful to sit inside next to a fire and drink hot chocolate. We talked about books the entire way. It took my mind off my body. We got back to the car this afternoon feeling very proud of ourselves. I however will NOT be running tomorrow. I need to recover.

The negative self talk currently is deafening.

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy

This week has been spent recovering physically from Crohn’s flair. Bloody donuts.

That's terrible, just from a few donuts? Is it gluten-related?

The negative self talk currently is deafening.

See below

It rained, snowed, blew gales and we crawled up to the hut entrance. It was so beautiful to sit inside next to a fire and drink hot chocolate. We talked about books the entire way. It took my mind off my body. We got back to the car this afternoon feeling very proud of ourselves.

Give that voice a name and tell it to just shut up.

Your friends here think you're a wonderful and worthy person.

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you SD. I had two bites of a donut from a very famous bakery here in the city. I can’t have too much fatty stuff and this tipped me over the edge. I can have gluten as it’s not something I’ve cut out but have limited. There are some things like onions, garlic, spice, celery and red meats my body just says a big fat no to.

Today I’ve taken a shuttle load of tourists up the mountain with the local shuttle person, done a little safety speech for them before they walked off into the clouds. Come home and done some gardening. Rested with a good book for the afternoon. Try a run again tomorrow.

Back to work next week.

[Mental Fairy]

Sleep walking is back, woke and poured cat biscuits all over the kitchen floor, ended up outside the back door and down the ramp to the garden. Woke with very muddy feet!

[oak]

Back to work next week.

I am glad you spent time on the mountain and reading, Mental Fairy.

Please keep us posted as to your work mishegas.

Also, feel free to comment, and whatever you like, on the dream thread I just started.

[Mental Fairy]

Here we go again, gale force winds, lost more bloody trees. Omg this is mental. If you could hear the wind hitting the powerlines and the house you would think a train is coming

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

I'm so sorry. We all seem to be facing different environmental troubles lately.

If I may say, you're facing lots of different stresses at work and at home (e.g. frequent storms, loss of acquaintances, "long lost" relatives popping in, etc. etc). No wonder you're having bad dreams. Gotta process all this crapola somehow I guess.

But your resilience is to be admired. You are a fighter.