Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MM

[Beany Boo]

Today went well

It is never a particularly good day. My response to it keeps getting more forgiving though.

The new self-talk worked too well.

I only managed two deliberate acts of kindness. I was actively on the lookout. I was being kinder to myself as result too.

Part of that was being myself more. That was scary because I suspect I’m not a good communicator in real life. Scary because I made no apology for it, or being awkward, or needy, or a burden or too much. But it was fine. I didn’t do anything I needed to regret. And I let others manage for themselves, emotionally.

Again, the evening looms and feels like the most important part of the day.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up okay; enough sleep. Felt somewhat awful. In the middle of it I worked to recover my optimistic self-talk phrases. I recalled and said them to myself. I knew they wouldn’t make a lot of difference in the moment, though there was a palpable shift. But it would affect how I felt by midafternoon, like shifting the compass a few degrees would change the course markedly after a hundred miles.

I didn’t stretch the night before last but I stretched again last night before bed. It definitely makes a difference.

My work module is due Monday (although I got an extension because of Covid). I noticed that the nightly hour of study I’ve been putting in came fairly easily last night. So the habit took about three weeks to embed.

The PTSD study is starting to embed too. I think today will be noticeably free of gangs forming around me and people growing impossibly tall and talking ‘into’ me cruelly. The memories are not continuous now and don’t attach to events today so much.

The goal today is listen, particularly to vocal tone, and ask open-ended questions.

And one deliberate act of kindness while looking out for four acts on the fly. Acts of kindness toward myself don’t count but I can do as many of those as I can fit in.

[snoringdog]

Hello Beanie,

Following with interest.

[Beany Boo]

Thanks sd

[Beany Boo]

Today went well

I had a few conflicts but somehow I survived through them.

I did a deep listening exercise I found online and it was just right as a debrief for the conflicts.

I would expect to be seething on my way home but it’s not happening. I can’t really articulate what the cause was but I didn’t take on what they were trying to dump. It feels odd to say that because it usually dumps automatically. And I think, despite the circumstances, I was doing my all to be kind to them. I had been preparing for a few days now to be kind to anybody. They couldn’t sustain their assault against that. They bounced off my self worth.

I think my early morning stuff worked. Midafternoon I felt strong.

I’m looking forward to the evening.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up okay. I’m a bit rushed. I did fit in my positive phrases. They shifted my mind sufficiently.

I feel like it’s going to be a difficult day. I feel confident I can respond adequately to the difficulty.

I suspect my response is not going to be perfect or even work in some cases. That’s not going to stop me. I’ll just keep inching forward.

I feel the most mentally healthy I have for a long time. Hopefully I can stack up some days of it.

It started last night. I thought, ‘sometimes, nothing works.’ That felt like a very sane, albeit random thought. Sometimes there’s a limit that you have to respect.

I don’t quite know what it means or what it is referring to. I’ll find out today.

The goal today is yep, listen. Peoples’ vocal tone and body language. I asked an open-ended question last night and it worked gangbusters.

[Beany Boo]

Today went well

The difficulty that was foreboding didn’t eventuate. Perhaps the trauma flashback that’s come every day for decades, didn’t visit. I think the PTSD study is yielding results.

I listened more carefully to some people.

I received some good information about listening skills. Hopefully I can absorb the information.

Midafternoon comes on as reliable as summer rain. The burden of the early morning lifts.

All is ever not well but I don’t hold to anything too hard. Another way to say, underreacting.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up okay

Seemed fractionally less habitually daunting this morning.

I remember the thought from yesterday. Sometimes, nothing works. Oddly that feels like an optimistic thought, though I don’t know fully the context for that optimism.

I’m going to put a strict limit on what I can achieve today and then give myself plenty of time to do it. That’s versus the opposite of what I usually do.

The goal for today: listen. Let people have their feelings and experiences, and listen. Rather than threatening, let them be interesting.

[Beany Boo]

Today went okay

I seemed to take my time without adverse effects.

It was a pleasant enough day and I just made the best of it. I stayed focused on rest where I could without getting drawn into anything.

It’s been a minute since I felt at peace like this. Even though there’s a lot to do; none of it especially matters right now. I don’t know why.

I think the goal today actually was, tread lightly. Goal achieved…