Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MF

[Beany Boo]

Woke up with awful flu but mentally okay.

Definitely not going to get today right.

In some respects, that’s exactly what I deeply want, a day where I don’t have to get anything right.

I’m not sure what happens now.

I’ll find a way to occupy the day until midafternoon.

I’m about 40% hopeful, about what I’m not sure. It’s possible I don’t need to know.

[Beany Boo]

Today went well

Absolutely drained of energy physically. Thoughts are skipping a little.

Got some good random stuff done without needing to complete anything.

With the flu as an obstacle, I like the point where I say to myself, ‘this is just a setback. Any moment now I can pick up where I left off’.

It’s midafternoon and I feel like I made it through the day.

I realized today, apropos of nothing, that to take care of others you need to trust them in some meaningful way. I’m not sure where that thought train goes just yet.

Hopefulness for today stands at about 45%.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up well enough though still symptomatic.

‘I may achieve a lot today - it’s just that it won’t really matter’. I don’t know why I feel that way. It doesn’t feel pessimistic. It actually feels comforting.

Pacing as a practice seems to have become embedded; the idea that if I take my time I’ll inexplicably get more done.

I’m sort of headed now in the direction of achieving something more difficult than I can easily imagine. The statement at the top somehow reinforces it.

The words may need tightening up but it feels like wisdom forming.

The goal today: approach anything where the outcome is not clear. It may eventuate that it’s something I want.

[oak]

I hope you feel better soon.

In the meantime, 45% hope is something very much worth holding onto.

Keep us posted.

[Beany Boo]

Thank you Oak

[Beany Boo]

Today went well

I made some mistakes but certainly no ‘clangers’ by any measure. I fixed some too which seems to be one of my strengths.

I didn’t let any of it distract me from acting with kindness. There’s an edge of kindness leading now in most instances. It’s slight but I can trust it.

It’s midafternoon and mentally the Sun is shining. I had some valuable insights today. I feel beaten by flu, physically.

I think the evening will belong to me.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up flue-y but uncharacteristically motivated.

I found a new answer last night after doing a PTSD exercise, to the question, why do I feel inexplicably angry oftentimes?

It is: because I often don’t understand what is happening and feel like I should for my own wellbeing.

The moment I thought this the anger became right-sized.

I suspect as a neglected child I spent a lot of time not understanding what was happening. Not understanding and possibly thinking it was my fault.

Hopefully by midafternoon I will have concluded that it is eminently acceptable to not understand things.

[snoringdog]

An interesting idea about anger.

The "feeling like I should (understand) " is the hook that makes whatever is happening personal, and hence, the angry feeling.

[Beany Boo]

Thanks sd