Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you SD
I’m waiting for her to get to the clinic as she’s been in theatre all morning. I’m absolutely shitting myself.

[snoringdog]

And you will do your best to ease the transition.

Maybe this change can help her too.

[Mental Fairy]

It’s done, I feel awful for it but she was not nice or kind when I told her. I feel so bloody bad. I honestly feel like a stiff drink or a lot more than that. However have a race to think about!

I’ve never felt this bad leaving somewhere. The poor patients.

[oak]

Well done, Mental Fairy.

It’s done, I feel awful for it but she was not nice or kind when I told her.

Unfortunately this was the likely outcome: you are (in her troubled mind) just another example of (her likely words) the decadence in New Zealand culture. You are a data point to her, to confirm what she already “knows”. There was no winning, my friend.

(I also get to have, perhaps as soon as today, a resignation-as-a-possibility conversation with my boss, so we’re in the same boat!)

For now, process this trauma and take some time for yourself. Grieve all that is lost, including the real harm to future patients. Really experience all that grief.

Keep posting here

[Mental Fairy]

No sleep, tossed and turned all night. Woken with racing mind. Feel like I’ve walked away from a ticking time bomb but also a lot of beautiful patients.

Extremely conflicted thoughts and sadness

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

That reaction is surely understandable.
It's so unfortunate that it's such a pressure-cooker work environment.
We're here to listen (for what that's worth) if you need to unpack any thoughts or doubts you have.

But you know yourself and the work situation better than any of us, and I think you've made the right decision. Any change is tough, and the positive and negative emotional components add so much more to it.

Wishing you the best

[Mental Fairy]

That means so much thank you

[oak]

Mental Fairy, two thoughts on this thread, in honor of its 100th page and nearly 1000 comments:

1. It is one of the great threads in this forum’s 10+ year’s existence.

2. Reviewing the first page or two, if you are comfortable doing so, how have you grown and changed? Are there any threads of thought that still especially resonate with you? Anything that seems as if it was written by someone else?

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team Mental

Well i have to say Oak i am a little taken back. I went back and was reading over a few of my first posts and see i clearly had no hand on the steering wheel of life. I also see this job has really done a number on me. I can see progress, i can see fall backs. I can also see caring people, interesting people and amazing people. All of you are making progress, that is all that matters. We are here, we are one and we will get through this.

This week has been weird, and i mean weird....cue some music from the twilight zone.

I leave tomorrow for Rotorua. How am i feeling? Bloody nervous. As it is taper week we can only really run once or a small light jog at the most to let the body heal after all the training. I do not at all feel like i have done enough. Not even close. I am somewhat underprepared. Doesn't help that i have left my work and the emotions of that is somewhat straining. I have patients even ringing me as well as texting asking if it is my job online being advertised. Lets just say the patients are not happy. However they will come get their teeth sorted with me!

I noted last night i was on a strange emotional level, normally i am in bed very early as i have an early start with running. With not having to get up at 4am i have been sleeping till 5:30am. The body is thanking me for this. However i feel like i have wasted my time sleeping and should be running! Not running is making me anxious feelings flood in from time to time. I will get a wave of it and start sweating, getting all jittery and annoyed. Sleep is not coming easy, also it feels weird i am going away without the boys. I feel like a teenager in a way, but a nervous one. There is over 3459 people running this event. Where will the toilets be, what on earth will they be like and how am i going to manage this with my bowel medication.....all these things. Not able to settle enough to get on my yoga mat. little panics here and there. Not even packed as i don't believe i am actually going, a massive part of me doesn't want to go.

Tomorrow i will pick up Les about 7am, as we are both odd people we have mapped out geocaches along the way. I know, i know...we are both in our 40's and love to do this sort of stuff. I can not even begin to explain the adventures we have been on looking for these. If i won a bunch of money i would first come meet you all for coffee and lunch or even breakfast. I would then travel around the world looking for geocaches!!! See SD there is an inner child!

We are staying at the Millenium Hotel In Rotorua, somewhere i have not stayed before. In a way i want to get this done and come home, in other ways i want to test myself and push my limits. We have booked the tree top walk that can be done in daytime and night. Really looking forward to being in nature. We will do the two maze adventures and an escape room.

I am going to have to knuckle down today and focus on the meditation skills i have been taught and try breath. Panic moments should be less invasive however i am at work today and my boss is not even talking to me at all. Not even a hello or how are you. Just radio silence. It shows i made the right choice i think! So many uncertainties.

Made a video that is to large to post of getting out of my car last night, my ducks ran into the shed as soon as i opened it. That sat in the way of me parking and quacked like mad. I got out of the car and walked up to them, Dee came and sat at my feet along with Uckie. Heather for the first time smooched her feathery head against my hand and we all sat on the shed floor watching the rain. It was a cute moment.

I love animals!

[snoringdog]

Ducks are so endearing, aren't they?

(I've wondered if duck-billed dinosaurs were similar in any way... )