Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

Today went well

I seem to be making more mistakes of late. And then investing less in worrying about them.

I thought it would be scary to exercise less control. It’s unfamiliar. It takes a lot less energy too.

I thought my perfectionism was automatic. It’s such a relief to be less in the grip of it.

I feel like I know how to proceed even without the right words. I do have one though: trust.

A little bit, in myself.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up easily.

I feel angry about 40%. It’s proceeding in the same old manner. But the reason is different. I’m angry because my efforts are working.

My first thought was that that doesn’t make any sense. Then I thought, ‘well, it’s happening, so…’

I suspect because it’s still change. Change seems to produce anger in me regardless.

I guess I’ll just accept the feeling and continue. If my efforts are working, let the anger play.

It might not be what I think it is. Anyway, more will be revealed.

[Mental Fairy]

https://podcasts.apple.com/nz/podcast/mindset-change-healing-your-mind-and-body-podcast/id1400465711?i=1000598560918

Beany your recent post reminded me of an episode I was listening to this morning about that anger feeling. I also get this feeling and it’s completely mind blowing at how much the brain works around this angry feeling. At about the 28min mark in the episode I literally just sat at a green light on my way to work in shock and why this happens to us.

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MF

[Mental Fairy]

I got the giggles now, I noted my MF can stand for many things!

[Beany Boo]

Today went well.

I arrived at an insight about the anger. Emotions are difficult to recognize, but I did, for once.

The feeling was determination. It’s like anger or a variation, or a… subtype?

I was able to experience it fairly steadily throughout the day. I noticed my breathing was relaxed while I was working. That’s new.

It’s midafternoon now and there no longer seems to be a need for determination.

I’ll continue to breathe until bedtime.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up a little tired.

I feel the same determination as yesterday. It only extends to midafternoon though. It’s determination to get there.

I feel confident in my listening now, at least at a basic level. I suspect the disparate group I’ve been involved with will start to respond to being listened to soonish.

I’m going to prime my thoughts with positive self talk; try and stay and around the prefrontal cortex.

And 5 acts of kindness.

[Beany Boo]

Today went well.

It was kind of bumpy but well within tolerance.

I asserted myself. I was not obsessively concise. I didn’t feel compelled to pander or acquiesce. I could sense when I had had enough of anything. The payoff is I don’t feel exhausted now or like any negativity has stuck to me.

I also took appropriate breaks.

It is somewhat fitting that falling into a more determined frame of mind this morning would lead to a more relaxed, less sweaty approach by midafternoon.

I had my best listening experience to date today. And I deliberately paid someone a compliment and it landed.

And there are glimpses of ‘situated freedom’.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up okay.

Today seems a bit daunting. It’s like there’s a decision I made that I now want to change. And I feel something about it I’m not used to feeling.

Not at work anyway.

I’m going to listen to someone again today but with less excitation; more mindfulness.

Don’t force it in other words.

‘I have time’.

That’s the day’s motto.

[Beany Boo]

Today went well.

Bumpy again but I’m resilient to it it seems.

The determination was there again today and something else. I began seeing outcomes in somewhat pleasant, simple terms. As opposed to the convolutions that normally haunt me.

The compliments and kindness today were a bit clunky. I feel exhausted by it, as in it expends energy I’m not used to using.

Midafternoon has come and gone. I feel good. I just have to breathe until bedtime now. I’m looking for to tomorrow.