Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

I shit you not I’ve had 8 calls and multiple texts from my replacement. Even the boss asked me to go back in and help, the answer was NO.

I talked the replacement through things again and again and she doesn’t get it, she didn’t even look at all the notes she made. I have to cut her off and I can’t keep doing this.

Thank your for your link, I was reading through it and was grateful to read the responses.

With every text from this women Judy I want to break my phone. Immediately my heart goes bonkers, I get all tense and angry. It’s absolutely ridiculous. She’s had many many many days of training and wrote so many notes. I’m so infuriated

[oak]

There’s a saying: “Narcs need a supply”.

Meaning, narcissists need a supply of (decent) peoples’ energy as a target for their endless rage.

Said another way: you can’t have a personality disorder without a person to crap it onto. They’re already furious at society/institutions/“those kinds of people”, and without a target (you, in this case) they go into withdrawal.

“When all you have is a hammer, every problem is a nail”: so they do the only thing they choose to do: lash out.

It is a matter of FAFO: there are no consequences for their outlandish behavior, until there is. And they act all surprised, like your former colleagues here.

They had months of running around FA, now it is time for FO.

You can’t help them. Tell them not to contact you anymore via email (optional), block them, and if it persists look into a restraining order.

This situation was always only going to end badly. Mitigate the effect of their craziness as you move towards a new, better life.

[snoringdog]

With every text from this women Judy I want to break my phone. Immediately my heart goes bonkers, I get all tense and angry. It’s absolutely ridiculous. She’s had many many many days of training and wrote so many notes. I’m so infuriated

Hello Mental Fairy,

A couple of thoughts, if I may.

• Transitions are always difficult. Always mentally, and in this case with the additional stress caused by the neediness of your replacement.
  
  Hyperventilating when email and texts come in is so familiar to me. I need to remember to back away and breathe. "This is not my emergency. I'm not a doctor on call. (But even if I were...)". And "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part"
  
  Your former boss made the decision to hire your replacement, so it's on her, not you.
  
  Tell your replacement to look at her notes!

Could the emotional & stress response be due to two factors -
a. The desire for a clean break, that apparently isn't coming?
b. A fear that the patients that you've been dealing with and have come to know won't be getting the same level of care that you've given?

Anyway, wishing you well. You will get through this!

[Mental Fairy]

You both have extremely good points. All I have not really thought about prior. I just went into complete anger mode. If I was down in the tool shed I would have smashed my phone with a hammer multiple times.

I’m very aware the boss is a narcissist person. I believe she will be very angry at my leaving her. That is not my problem, nor should I allow it to be. The feeling was being in that clinic was suffocating. As I was on call 24/7 for critical care patients I have had to reach out to the critical ones and let them know I am no longer available. All of them asked questions, all got the same response. It was an honour to care for them however my time to return to my profession has come.

Then there is the residual feelings now, I felt free when I walked out of the door on Friday. The weekend felt lighter and more calm. Then yesterday the calls began and resenting this women flooded me. I feel like the clean break didn’t happen as I wished it had. This doctor has a sting in her tail and it was consistently stinging me yesterday via my replacement. I feel for the replacement lady.

Today however is a different day. I’ve had only one text from the replacement.
I’ve made sushi, packed a picnic and being collected by Soral who is a local department of conservation worker I used to work with on the mountain. She is picking myself and Donya up and we are heading to Stoney River Blue Reserve. Glue in your dentures and tighten your bra straps as I will send you some pics. It’s 4degrees here and yip, you guessed it, I’m going to jump in the river that is currently flowing off the mountain! Time for a cold dip and get Donya out of the house. Now her drains are out she can move better. She finds out if the cancer has spread on Thursday. Meanwhile, Soral who is struggling with Parkinson’s (early diagnosis) Donya (breast cancer) me ( shitty bowel disease) are going to have a bit of time to ourselves in the great outdoors.

Our street to our home is currently closed thanks to new sewer pipes going in, apparently three months of work! These better be state of the art pipes as the noise and trucks are doing our heads in. I feel for anyone on night shift trying to sleep in our street.

P.s I've managed to avoid and put off seeing my nasty neighbour now for over two months since the outdoor fire pit situation. Joe did see her last weekend and she was her normal, don’t think before your speak self. Why oh why do people have to be so rude at times.

Better go get togs on and pack my emergency warm me up kit!

Hugs to all

[snoringdog]

If I was down in the tool shed I would have smashed my phone with a hammer multiple times.

Someone mentioned the other day how they missed the old solid landline phones, and how satisfying it was to slam them down after an infuriating call...

[Mental Fairy]

Oh yes I agree. Or the wind up button ones that took time to wind back before the next number. By the time you get to the last number you forget what you were calling about. Would prevent a lot of heartbreak when you text something you don’t mean ten minutes later!!!

Gosh I remember when microwaves were the new toy on the block. Wow I feel old. Thanks SD!

[Mental Fairy]

Just had a text from my replacement at the clinic, she has resigned. Didn’t even last half a week.

My time at the river yesterday was beautiful and needed. I felt so free of chores. Donya laughed and we all had a cry, was very therapeutic to sit with others who are not afraid to admit they struggle.

I even had a little moment thinking of you all, a large hawk was flying overhead looking for food. I really wished you all could have been there.

Better get a wiggle on, today I’ve not been for a run so feeling rather anxious.

[snoringdog]

Just had a text from my replacement at the clinic, she has resigned. Didn’t even last half a week.

Wow. Not a very good vetting job by your former boss I guess...

Not that you should spend time thinking about it, but how's she going to manage?

[Mental Fairy]

Stoney river.

[Mental Fairy]

That is myself on the right, Soral on the left. She is currently in early Parkinsons stage. I didn’t realise there were so many forms of it.

Donya found out today she needs to head fo Palmeston and have radiotherapy and chemo for a few weeks, so putting together a care package. All this talk about painting came up on our picnic, Soral and I will get her some canvas and some paints. Maybe a book to sketch in?

Today the mood has been off, feeling like I’m coming out of the other end of a tunnel from leaving the clinic. I can see light! I heard that the practice has had to close. My ex boss turned on my replacement and used racism as my replacements problem, saying because she is Russian and people don’t like them. However my replacement is from Philippines and hired specifically because my ex boss doesn’t like Kiwis. Yet she hired me! I honestly don’t know what to think, this entire week was taken up my calls and texts from my replacement crying at how horrible this women is. Madness. It has stopped now she’s gone.

I have learnt by bowel doesn’t work at all without the stupid amounts of medication to help it. My liver is struggling with the medication as I’ve been on it now for nearly 8 years. 10 years is the maximum apparently.

I’m looking at purchasing a small UV sauna for home. Reading into it. Will be trying one on Saturday for Matt’s birthday. The company that got me the icebath is bringing in the sauna from Canada so will have a read up.

My sleep the last two nights have involved a few walking episodes. One deeply concerning as I again woke up downstairs somehow. It’s only when stressed I think. I’m literally making nests around the house with blankets while sleep walking.

Better get a move on, have dinner to sort.

Hugs to all