Mindfulness

[Mental Fairy]

Hey Beany
How did the test of acting different go?

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MF

I feel less responsible for others’ actions. Also like I am holding less balls in the air. I’m a little more reliant on feelings. I feel like less of a burden.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up with the alarm.

Woke up and realized the cause of my frustration.

I felt less frustrated immediately.

I’m not sure how to remedy. Maybe I will in two weeks time.

I feel like today might be a relatively automatic day. I’m okay with that.

It might also be a day to cut myself and others some slack.

[Beany Boo]

Today went well.

Nothing bad happened. Very low level anxieting.

I complimented some people.

I listened with careful curiosity to someone under pressure.

I was aware of paying attention to a level I don’t normally.

I acted stupid again today (as in not making any special effort to appear intelligent).

It’s midafternoon and I have a bit more time up my sleeve. I want to sleep well tonight.

[Beany Boo]

Woke before the alarm after sleeping well.

I’m going to assume today that no one is listening to me. Not out of self pity, but just as a baseline from which I can reasonably expect to be listen to. This is given that people are so distracted and have low attention. That’s before I even consider whether they’re invested in my story or not.

‘Given that you are barely listening… [insert my message]’ is the premise of today’s exercise. Hopefully that will unstick my tongue a little in communication, and I can say more stuff that feels right.

Requesting AI chat to provide me with a Zen influenced positive affirmation it returned:

‘I am filled with kindness’

[troebia]

I’m going to assume today that no one is listening to me. Not out of self pity, but just as a baseline from which I can reasonably expect to be listen to. This is given that people are so distracted and have low attention. That’s before I even consider whether they’re invested in my story or not.

Hello BB, I've reached the same conclusion as you. I like how you choose to apply kindness instead of anger in these situations. Many people have a lot more on their plate than we do, and can only afford minimal attention to words and thoughts that don't already fit perfectly with their line of thinking. Philosophy is not a mainstream hobby. Time is scarce. Empathy is a luxury item usually reserved for family and friends.

[Beany Boo]

Thanks Troebia

[Beany Boo]

Today went surprisingly well.

There were challenges but none of them dragged or demanded overly.

It paid off to use the baseline that no one was listening to me. I was able to communicate more economically and with more satisfaction.

My locus of control was much smaller and manageable.

I haven’t spiraled for more than a week. To think it used to be hourly.

It’s a triumphant midafternoon. It’s a modest triumph but I’ll revel in it.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up with a crick but it’s gone now.

I’m not sure how I feel this morning though it’s probably positive because I’m less familiar with those emotions.

I did some successful listening, asking and answering yesterday. I landed a sterling compliment at someone I only know via email. I was connecting to a degree I rarely experience. I may actually need some time to recover and adjust.

Rather than try to forge ahead, I’m just going to try and maintain a quality of listening and not force anything today.

There is some optimism but I don’t know what about. I’ve got that feeling like I survived something non-specific.

[Beany Boo]

Today went well.

I felt very anonymous out in public for a few hours; in a good way.

My brain is working noticeably better of late. It may be the result of some dietary improvements. And/or the PTSD CPT workbook which I’ve nearly completed after several months of daily attention.

I successfully delivered sincere compliments to various acquaintances without hesitation this morning. It felt quite intimate, in a way that would normally frighten me.

I feel very ambivalent somehow, in general, but there’s no anxiety attached to it.

I feel like I’ve achieved something as of today, without knowing what it is exactly.

It’s midafternoon again nonetheless.