Mindfulness

[snoringdog]

I felt very anonymous out in public for a few hours; in a good way.
...

I successfully delivered sincere compliments to various acquaintances without hesitation this morning.

Isn't it nice when we can move thru the day like this, unencumbered?

[Beany Boo]

Thanks sd

It was nice.

[Beany Boo]

Today went well.

I am starting to develop confidence I am unfamiliar with. I should probably say, that I did not think was in me.

I finally finished the PTSD CPT (Cognitive Processing Therapy) workbook today. I am surprised with how well it worked for what it was. I am curious to try more workbooks if they are of similar quality.

I took pains to go deliberately slow today; to show myself the benefits of, and that nothing is lost by doing so.

I am becoming more and more aware of ‘ambivalence’ (being torn). I think maybe it is not a state to get upset about (as I have done all my life). In fact, if I face towards it calmly it may actually serve a purpose; deliver a valuable clue.

I felt my ‘cause’ today though I don’t see it settling into specific words any time soon.

Midafternoon was delightful.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up without ado.

I felt assertive already with ordered thoughts shortly after.

It might be a day in which to make a change to an old habit. Maybe even a habit older than me.

The plan is to breathe and listen. ‘Read the wind’.

Ask simple, even ‘stupid’ questions. Give simple answers with minimal emotional labor.

Until midafternoon.

[Beany Boo]

Today went well.

There was a difficult task that I got done easily.

I found this CBT technique that works really well to get me through the mornings.

It’s midafternoon and I feel kind of great. Great inasmuch as I am not anxieting and feel safe from having to rush.

My locus of control feels just right.

I’m ready for the evening.

I’ve done enough.

Hodo-hodo is a Japanese phrase meaning ‘just enough’; where doing just enough is the most productive course.

Hodo-hodo

[Beany Boo]

Woke up well.

I had a spontaneous desire to be less defensive. Some ‘normal’ (for me) thoughts turn out to be defensive reflexes dressed up as normal thoughts.

It’s a relief to notice them and escape their monotony even for a morning.

It turns out the more you listen the less defensive you need to be.

Breathe + Listen = less defensiveness

I’m aware after a few weeks’ attention that listening does not come naturally. I’ve practiced and got a little better and this is the result.

The prospect of being less defensive until midafternoon, could potentially make today one of the best.

[oak]

[Beany Boo]

Thanks oak

[Beany Boo]

Woke up okay.

Defenses eased yesterday. Today I woke ready to breathe better.

I’ve shallow breathed all my life. I think it was a means of seeming invisible in a volatile household growing up. I’ve only been partially conscious of doing it. It’s just one more defense.

It feels strange to breathe normally across the morning.

[Beany Boo]

Today went well.

It was a bit daunting how well it went.

It’s very strange to be less defensive. Good strange. Not having to constantly compose and navigate an avoidance strategy leaves a lot of empty time.

I’m not sure what to do if I’m not spending time blaming people.

I’m still struggling to develop listening skills but what little I’ve attained people are responding to.

I’m also engaged in an activity I don’t recognize that’s a little bit exhausting. It’s something like commitment or persistence but maybe not.

It’s midafternoon. I can work it out tomorrow.

Hodo-hodo