Troebia's Diary

[snoringdog]

Hello Troebia

In front of me is a long path to improvement and healing, and you have all in some way helped me to find the direction to go.

That’s wonderful, and we’re honored.

I will suffer all my life, as Buddha and all of us. We heal, we hurt. We progress, we regress, like lapping waves at the shore.

That’s a good analogy. I’ve never thought of that before.

Thank you, Joaquín Sorolla, Egon Schiele, Goya, John Singer Sargent et al.

You’ve given me lots to think about and look up in your posts.
Also inspired me to maybe try to sketch a few things.

And its high time to get back to the Met and others in NYC!

Looking forward to any artwork you might care to post in the future....

Wishing you the best!

SD

[troebia]

Brief update because I want you guys to know: I went to the psychiatrist included with my health insurance, did my bit, almost zero feedback or follow-up questions from this thirtyish doctor and after about seven minutes, "Here, take this prescription for 10mg Vortioxetine and come back in two months. Bye."

Vortioxetine is a kind of SSRI medication. I've already tried SSRIs without any improvement, but I'm willing to give it a shot again. Hugs to all.

[oak]

1. I hope the new medicine is helpful.

2. Well done for giving the new doctor a try.

3. Boooo for his not caring. I hope you find a better provider soon. This can be a process.

[troebia]

Hey, I want to update you guys on how it's going.

I'm now three weeks in on 10mg Vortioxetine and my wife says my mood seems more stable. I haven't had those really bad spikes of anxiety, though I keep taking around 0.5-1mg Alprazolam (Xanax) daily. I don't sleep better or worse, though maybe having less nightmares.

Tinnitus seems about the same but the medication makes me stress out less about that, or anything really. For example we just found out that a subsidy for a building job in the house was denied by the local council and we've lost about $4,000, and I just went, "oh well".

One thing I noticed is that my libido has gone way down and that is not good long term of course. Also my creativity has been affected negatively and I often find myself just doodling instead of doing a real drawing. I don't even watch series anymore to take a break, just stare listlessly at the paper.

I have an IRL appointment with a male psychologist next Friday. Over the phone I told him that the one that treated me before didn't seem to adapt the treatment to my personal situation, and just tried to put me through a fixed CBT program. Let's see how it goes.

...adding that alcohol intake is still too high, but it has a calming effect on me...some people even claim it dampens their tinnitus. I think the path forward for me is a combination of medication, therapy and having something meaningful to do.

Hugs to all.

[manuel_moe_g]

So great to hear from you, Troebia

Sorry to hear right now your creativity is affected

I could use a sketchy ink & watercolor of a street scene right now…

[Mental Fairy]

So good to hear from you, I was wondering if you attended local sketch or art classes it might fill your inner artist tank a bit and help with the flow of this?

[troebia]

Hello folks, here's a progress report:

I've enrolled in another online art class. It's very enjoyable and I'm discovering a new medium for me, tempera/gouache. Maybe I'll share some results here in a few days.

Also, today was my first session with the new therapist. He's from this area (València, Spain) although he's lived for over twenty years in Sonora, México. I liked his approach and I'm hopeful. He assured me that the treatment of my anxiety and depression is going to be tailor-made to my particular needs instead of a fixed program. He already put his finger on some of my sore spots and I got homework to do. Fingers crossed.

[manuel_moe_g]

Good luck , Troebia!

Also, Hoping for you to post the class art assignments

[Mental Fairy]

Yay, I’m so glad. Made my heart sing reading your post. Looking forward to seeing your art

[troebia]

Hello all, progress report from therapy session #2:

Since I was insisting on getting some sort of relaxation exercise that may put my mind off the tinnitus, the therapist has given me an audio he's recorded with muscle tension/relaxation exercises. I'm going to try it next time I have a spike.

We were also talking about how a moderate alcohol consumption may not be so bad for anxiety relief. Xanax does the job, but makes me drowsy and prevents me from doing anything that requires a minimum of thought.

He was inquisitive about the dynamics of having my mother-in-law living with us, and how it affects the relationship. Also, the SSRI medication has drastically reduced my libido so there's been a long dry spell. I've been a month on 10mg Vortioxetine now and he says it's still early to tell if my sensation of general dampening of emotions is the final therapeutic effect. He said I should start to experience more positive effects very soon from the accumulated serotonine, but I just feel blank at the moment.

I turned in my "homework" and he went through it while taking notes. He also remembered stuff we talked about last time, which for me is a big plus. I got a pile of new papers with surveys to fill out and he said we're still in the "evaluation" phase. The objective seems to be to weed out the things I do and enjoy from the things I do compulsively but don't really enjoy. I'm feeling a bit queasy about it because it may result that I need some drastic life changes. I'm not happy with things as they are, but I'm also afraid of losing my bearings.

I asked him if there was a support group in the area, and he said there's only an AA/12-step group in town but they accept people with all sorts of addictions and conditions like depression and anxiety. Maybe I'll make an approach, but I'm still waiting for the medication to kick in for real.