Mindfulness

[manuel_moe_g]

“””
That said, I feel very fragile nonetheless and like someone might catch me caring about myself.
“””

I hear this, and it puts me in the mind of my growing up in a emotionally and spiritually unsafe home

Wishing you the very best, Beany

All blessings, and all strength to you, and all courage

[Beany Boo]

Thank you MM

[Beany Boo]

Woke up with difficulty.

It’s one of those days where my capacity for uncertainty is high.

I don’t really mind if people make mistakes today, or witness mine.

If I exercise less control basically, today is won.

It’s kindness without control day.

[manuel_moe_g]

“””
It’s kindness without control day.
“””

Best kind of day

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MM

[Beany Boo]

Today was hectic. I processed it well though.

I didn’t hold onto anything. That felt like a wind change.

A couple of people challenged me. I was aware it was happening as it was happening. I was able to start recovering immediately.

I feel a little resilience and like my true cause is driving things.

It’s midafternoon.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up tired with a headache from sleeping wrong.

Even though I feel kind of clumsy and awkward there’s very little anxiety.

I feel like I might meet expectations today. What that means exactly will be revealed.

There’s more than usual optimism with little actual detail.

I’m just going to say some positive phrases and listen.

Gently.

Until midafternoon.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up okay though late to bed.

I feel a bit cranky which I would normally suppress automatically (because it seems to turn people away). My intuition tells me to leave it on today.

Of late, that usually means it will assist in listening. Perhaps to not hold the crankiness in check reroutes energy to the ears.

I do feel like I am respecting myself fractionally more.

That’s enough of a focus for today. I’m confident in the progress I am making.

Midafternoon is on the horizon.

[Beany Boo]

Today went well.

I felt all the feelings but without shame or secrecy. Also without blame. They would come and I would experience them and let them go.

There was anger but it is as if it is my parents anger and I am just in the same room, a long time ago. My brain still bears the imprint.

I feel sad right now but there’s a lightness, like I don’t have to do anything about it or stop it.

I feel like I’m failing very well, almost to the point of succeeding. Maybe, in that case, I’m not failing very well…?

I needed less from my relationships with people today. It was great. I was also content not to be enough for them.

I’m having that awareness again that what I want is present but unclear. Also that I’ve been actively responding to telling myself, ‘do less’. I’m not sure how but there is change-iness as a result of do less-ing.

There’s a zen idea: most things that happen don’t do so in words. Lots of things happening at present that I don’t have words for but sense nonetheless.

What is tangible: midafternoon.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up well even after staying up late.

I had some delightful experiences already today. It makes me think I might be coming across to people quite well.

I’m able to distinguish today between my anger, and anger-in-the-room that is not my own, but impinges. Not much of my own happening.

I spent the morning noticing things around me knowing that that tends to make feeling anxious difficult. And thankfully I am beginning to breathe freely in more settings.