Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Hehe devil balls!!! That gave me a smile for the day.

Sleeping a lot, every time I sit down I want to sleep. The discomfort in my bowels is starting to break me down a bit. Matt and I attended supermarket yesterday, I was so nervous from not knowing what the stomach was going to do. Little episodes of pain and one large one big enough to make me sweat.

No run again today, I just slept through to 5am. This is not me at all. Done some ground work yoga. Very gentle and light meditation. Trying to grab my mental reins and pull myself back up. It’s harder than I thought. Surgeon appointment week after next. I already know it’s progressing to my right side if the bowel, the burning is intense. I can managed some toast but that’s it. I am not liking this looming feeling of darkness.

[troebia]

MF, that sounds worrying. Wishing you speedy recovery.

[Mental Fairy]

Work in progress my friend.

Managed my toast this morning and my medical replacement drink just now for lunch.
Sitting at work trying to watch backyard ultimate running championship live! New Zealand runner in it i know well.

https://i.stuff.co.nz/sport/133174959/550km-and-35-days-with-virtually-no-sleep-kiwi-chases-world-running-record

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team

The grey clouds and drizzle give me energy. It’s so strange I know. I woke to 3:45am darkness. Opening our stained glass front door I prayed for mist, fog or even better some rain. I was awarded fog and drizzle looming. On goes the kettle, click down the toaster with one perfect slice of vogels bread. Slowly I creep around not to wake Joe or Matt, on goes the running kit. Slowly I try trick my brain into thinking it’s going to be an easy jog.
Down the toast with a smear of pics peanut butter, the smooth kind. Gulp down a cup of dark roast coffee. Quickly I make my way up the driveway towards a hill that I fear to be on. Don’t know why but it’s a dark as dark hill with no lighting. This gets the adrenaline up. I shuffled my way up fighting the negative self talk. Repeating 1..2..3..4..1..2..3..4 over and over to take the mind of the negative self and discomfort. Jog walk, jog walk. I loop the block and get home with so sign of sun as yet. Phew. I made it out and about before people started to make their way to work. For 45min I had the little world to myself.
I continued to my yoga mat to commence breath work as Matt gets up and leans down to give me a hug goodbye before he goes to work. Then it starts…anxiety about the coming day. Knowing once I get to work I will be ok. Yet the flutter of butterflies of anxiety brew. I don’t want to be inside on such a grey, drizzle like day.

I’m so backwards!!!

[Mental Fairy]

I felt anger brewing today. I had to text my boss and say I was going for a walk around the block to breathe it out. Then I logged in and saw beany post about breath work with stress. I smiled, looked at MMs ostrich and the sting of anger subsided.

[manuel_moe_g]

So nice, Mental Fairy

Wishing you all blessings, and tranquil healing sleep

[Mental Fairy]

I meet a man today.
He is 48 terminal lung cancer. Stage 4. Hospice patient.
He has a lot of headaches and he thought he had a tooth ache. So naturally I got him in immediately. He outlived docs expectations. Was meant to be gone in April.
His cancer is now in the bowel. He cant probably and eating is an issue. No one has given him the shakes I have or even talked to him about them.
He saw I was having one. We talked, we shared our journey. I went out the back and got 20 bottles of the shakes and put them in a bag. I reached in and took one out for me and one for him. Told the boss I’m going to lunch. We walked to a seat outside and clinked bottles and talked. He cried, I held it together. He’s got a terrible cough. We hugged and parted ways.
We did a very in-depth examination and assessment and it’s not his teeth. The cancer will be in the brain. He knew and I knew. Nothing needed to be said. I got home about 5 and burst into tears for a complete stranger. I meet this person for 30min and had a drink of chocolate milk and vitamins. He could of been a real wanker in his lifetime and I would not of cared. He was human and about to leave this world and for a spit second we both felt normal and united.

[manuel_moe_g]

hello Mental Fairy

my father died of brain cancer, inoperable because in the connection between the brain hemispheres

diseases of the brain... you lose them before you technically lose them

he had a seizure, he was never the same, later we found out it was cancer (we first thought it was a stroke), he was gone mentally in a month and a half, he lived 4 months more, but all was gone and extinguished

so i never got to reconcile or anything like it

[Mental Fairy]

Oh MM I am so sorry.
When I was having treatment back in 2015 I meet a man a few years younger than me who has brain cancer. He went blind and adjusted. Outlived all doctors dates and expectations. His dad got dementia and so between the two of them it was a really big adjustment for the mum. Colin’s cancer was like a cobweb running through one side of the brain.
He started painting from what he can remember seeing. He used his minds eye to picture things while he painted.

I only assume he is still alive, the alternative makes me feel angry.

My uncle has just been here. He sat on the couch and sobbed as he misses my mum, his sister. That’s why he drinks I’m guessing.

I’ve been working all Sunday as we are on call and I’m absolutely exhausted.
Joe went to a patients place today but a fire pit for the new garden area. We are removing some trees to make room for the fire pit and we can’t have it on the wooden deck.

His fire pit is made out of truck parts!!!! Typical

[Mental Fairy]

MM can I ask how the passing of your dad effected you? What you noticed over time?
If it’s to hard i understand.
Hugs