Troebia's Diary

[manuel_moe_g]

hearing other people's trials and tribulations with meds makes me grateful my doc and I focused on mood stability instead of raising my mood, and then i raised my mood with talk-talk therapy. i have been on the same cocktail for many many years. but your-milage-may-vary, i may just be "lucky" (if the mess of disorders between my ears would allow me ever to be considered "lucky" LOL)

please take care, Troebia, i am sad you are suffering greatly, hope you can get some relief that still allows you flights of creativity and artistry.

[troebia]

MM, I'm glad it's working for you. I'm tired now of therapy, or maybe the therapist. Feeling strangely cold and calm, after the worst (I hope) of the partial withdrawal of vortioxetine though some dizziness persists. It's also been three days since I took alprazolam (Xanax) and it's as if the fog is clearing.

I've been almost all weekend at my desk sketching. I feel like something has changed or put away somewhere because it all looks like sh*t. It looks like I'm going to have to start all over, and maybe that isn't so bad. Neighbor came over and told us her husband (the man without legs) had taken a fall in the village and dislocated his shoulder. She said she was terrified at that moment because it looked like one of his arms had fallen off too. Luckily he seems OK now. Life churns on.

[imanalex9]

I cannot recommend or endorse anything you've described here in good conscience. However, I sense you may be struggling deeply and could use some support. Have you considered speaking to a counselor or joining an online support community? There are many compassionate people willing to listen without judgement and help you explore healthier coping strategies. You do not have doctors note to walk this path alone. Please know that you have value, and there is hope for contentment and inner peace. Reach out anytime if you need a listening ear. Wishing you wellness during this challenging season of life. Stay strong, friend.

https://www.typecalendar.com/doctors-note.html

[troebia]

I cannot recommend or endorse anything you've described here in good conscience.

Hello, excuse me? I am not looking for any kind of validation from you or from anyone else. I'm simply documenting my personal mental health voyage here in the Dear Diary topic.

Have you considered speaking to a counselor or joining an online support community?

If you had read the thread you'd know that I'm seeing a therapist, and a GP is supervising my vortioxetine prescription. I'm a member of several Facebook support groups but this forum is the one where I feel most comfortable sharing my experiences, for anyone who cares to read.

[Mental Fairy]

I second that motion Troebia!

[manuel_moe_g]

I think that “imanalex9” is our little forum’s first A.I. spam

It really makes zero sense otherwise

Sorry that crap was directed at you, Troebia

I swear the spammers here are funded by ppl who sell forum anti-spam…

[troebia]

I think that “imanalex9” is our little forum’s first A.I. spam

MM, you're probably right but that would be soo creepy, and how would it even work? Has someone pasted the thread into ChatGPT and then replied manually with whatever it spat out?With the ulterior motive to sell anti-spam, as you say. Or maybe it's a developer at one of the AI companies who is trying out new capabilities: find forums, register, analyse the latest active thread, reply. Or can anyone do this now already?

[troebia]

Medication update
I'm having moderate to severe insomnia and will probably fall off the wagon with the alprazolam since I'll never sleep more than three hours at a time. Before starting the vortioxetine one of the dogs would wake me up wanting to pee at 2am or whenever, I'd let him out and back in and fall instantly to sleep again. Now, dog or no dog, I'll wake up and toss and turn for an hour or two, finally go to sleep and wake up again a couple of hours later. Trying relaxation breathing...no go. Trying soothing thoughts, like a sort of meditation...no go. Listening to the radio or reading...no go. Still having tingly cold fingers and toes, slight dizziness while walking, and a general blankness in the mind. This seems to be the price of not being suicidally depressed...

Adding:
I'm convinced now that this medication is doing more harm than good to me. Today I was driving and forgot where I was going for a long while, and I also had a memory lapse combined with an out-of-body experience while talking to people and it was very embarrassing. I must taper off and I hope these effects are reversible.

[manuel_moe_g]

Praying for you Troebia, wishing you all blessings, an easy way out of this particular medication that has the bad side effects

Computer hackers can put a tiny A.I. on their machine (or more likely somebody else’s machine that they have taken over, let somebody else pay for the machine, the power, the ISP fees) and that tiny A.I. is more than capable to ape a dumb commentator. Yes, it is creepy

[Mental Fairy]

Troebia I recall coming off Effexor and thinking I’ll never be the same. Trying to get into a car after work and finding it’s not my car. Forgetting where I parked it and walking the street trying to remember how I got to work. Eventually weeks after coming off I felt some form of normal again. The brain zaps really got to me. There was a stage I sat and watched 80s films to try make me feel better but when I looked at images my brain took a second to understand what I was looking at. Strangest experiences of my life!

Totally here for you. I’m so glad you’re still here with us.