Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team

Thank you both for your supportive words.

I've had a catch-up on further results and I'm opting for no treatment. My experience last time has completely spooked me and the risks are way too high. After some deep thinking and talking with Joe, I wish to sail along the six three months and see what the body plans on doing. Throw caution to the wind and watch this space.
We have our trip booked in May that I wish to attend in Wanaka. My oncology nurse has booked me an appointment in March to check in on me and she's always there if I need her beforehand regardless, as is the surgeon. If we have to intervene at any stage and I decline further then so be it.

Yesterday I completed a somewhat testing bike ride to Bell Block library to get some research books out to study. Today I decided to bike to work (4.5km) to test my legs.
I got up a bit late today and saw the sun breaking through some high clouds. My legs did not want to go up a single hill and I retreated to the safety of home before the sun came up completely.
I find I'm sleeping a lot more and longer than I used to. Listen to the body I guess!

Feeling as though I've diverted from my mindfulness tracks a bit. Need to get back on the mat and do some yin yoga. The thought of standing on the mat is hard to grasp. I feel so zapped of this thing called energy!

Better get on my bike and peddle home again!

You are all amazing people

[Mental Fairy]

Can I ask how you are Manuel Moe? You have been on my mind and wondering if you're getting along ok?

[manuel_moe_g]

Some serious issues with my wife, serious issues with our marriage

The highs are wonderful, the lows really suck

Family vacation next month, the three of us, wife & daughter & myself, in Oahu island of Hawaii

The vacation will be wonderful, as usual

When I feel more brave, will go into details

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team

Nice to see some new people climbing upon our wagon. Will respond in good time.

Past couple of weeks it has been busy in clinic. As i mentioned I have declined chemotherapy as I’ve been down that road before. I tried a jog this morning while I had some energy first thing, watched the sun slip into the world. Was somewhat of a shock I managed the distance I did. Numbers aren’t important!

Mentally I’ve been focusing on the more in depth meditation and yoga, body feels like a piece of tinfoil all scrunched up some days.
I’ve been sleeping way way more than normal. I don’t think this is disease related but then I could be lying to myself on that one. Let’s just say the symptoms are there but manageable. It’s picked the wrong person.

I’ve become a bit down but not out. I am grateful for the boys who have taken over much of the weekly cooking while I’m at the clinic. Weekends consist of sleep , naps and reading.

Then nights are hard, I take my designated medication and hope and pray no nightmares slip in between the sheets. Husband doesn’t count!
Our son went out on Saturday night as worked as a sober driver, I honestly didn’t sleep a wink worried about him.

Isn’t it funny how scents affect people. Yesterday my son and I went to a shop as he wanted some more cologne, he loves to smell nice. One of my favourite things about him. He picked a scent and this morning put it on and immediately I was transported to my dads arms. It smelt exactly the same as my father, when I told him he smelt like his grandad he was more concerned he smelt like a dead guy!

Currently feeling numb,tired and unable to express correctly.

Hugs to all

[manuel_moe_g]

So happy to read this update, Mental Fairy

Praying for you

Wishing you night after night of peaceful nourishing sleep

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you MM

Came home from clinic today and got immediately to feeding neighbours cat in the garden in a secret place she can’t see me feeding her. Cuddled my kitty. Matt was in the icebath and was suddenly called into work for night shift.

I took the alone time opportunity to get on my yoga mat to sit and meditate and I cried. I cried a lot. Not as much as I need too as I held back as I was worried I might need to swim across the mat to get to dry land! Felt better for it.
Time to shower and settle in.

https://youtu.be/O48eBOM8768?si=w93yvMTONW7qy7s5

Meditation I did this evening. Please try it.

[snoringdog]

Yes, sometimes you just need a good cry.

Bookmarked the link to it check out, thanks.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi there my people.

Things are a little up and down. Much like my arse in the bathroom! Let’s just say the bowel has a life of its own now.
Will slowly start coming off medication next March after my next meeting with bowel team. Worse case scenario we take some out.

What I’m struggling with; dinners out. This time of year is my nemesis. Christmas foods being brought into work by patients who mean well. My boss who keeps taking us out for dinners and lunches which I feel obligated to eat at. It’s all incredibly stressful and frustrating. I have one solid meal a day and medicated supplements from doctors to give me calories and nutrients. I am fearing I will be on IV soon.

I’m struggling with extreme tiredness from this active period of disease. It’s starting to get on top of me a bit. The sounds my tummy makes must surly be picked up on some form of satellite listening device.

Started Qigong this morning, it was so peaceful and beautiful to do in the morning to get the body moving in a gentle way. I changed my yoga also to Yin yoga with a different teacher, it’s amazing the difference it makes when it’s someone new.

Struggling with mood, I guess because I’m tired, it comes hand in hand. I’ve never wanted to sleep so much. It’s like a battle of the eyelids!

I am loving my breath work and focusing more on this as we get closer to next year’s retreat. Having been participating in breath work now for a little over two years I feel lost without it. My headspace isn’t clear unless I've done my meditation and breathing techniques.

I have fear, I fear what is to come in many ways. I’m aware there is no cure for this disease and I’ve accepted this. However, it doesn’t stop the fear and frustration at times.

The tension is all sitting in my upper back and shoulders currently.

I’ve been fixated on troebias posts and really wish I could have you come do art classes over here and teach me! I am honestly terrified of picking up the pencils and pens for some reason?

There has been beautiful moments over the last couple of weeks while being in nature and also in the presence of wonderful patients who we can help.

All my animals are alive and well, I’m so grateful for their non judgemental ways.

[Mental Fairy]

Spent over two hours sitting and watching this black bird build a nest in a tree that’s at chest height. Watching fly with a paper bag was amusing. He got there in the end!

[troebia]

I’ve been fixated on troebias posts and really wish I could have you come do art classes over here and teach me! I am honestly terrified of picking up the pencils and pens for some reason?

Hi MF, there's nothing I can teach except maybe to just pick up the pencil.

I so hope you can get your gut somewhat in order. My advice with the holiday food would be to just decline participating gently but firmly without any qualms, maybe tell them you have a stomach bug and must follow a strict diet. Maybe say you'll pop in to the dinner after dessert if it's a big deal.

Hugs.