Troebia's Diary

[troebia]

I don't think they'd be judgmental, instead, they'd want to trade places with us.

Maybe. I was reading the news about the handwritten notes Chinese de facto slave workers leave inside the seams of clothing sold in Europe, and I felt a cold wind of bitterness and unmerited privilege.

Therapist says I should just do my own thing without looking at the art others do on social media, and to take tiny steps in general. "If you feel at 20%, that's better than 19%. 100% is a fiction, it's like a selfie someone takes in front of a fancy car that isn't even theirs." "F*ck discipline and self-criticism. Just show up, without any expectations. So today is not the day? Try again tomorrow."

[snoringdog]

Hello Troebia,

A couple of thoughts -

I felt a cold wind of bitterness and unmerited privilege.

Bitterness at the injustice, I assume. I know about that. The reality of the world is a hard pill to swallow.

Unmerited privilege, yes, but life is all so very random. We have no control over who we were born to, or where, or when, in the sweep of history.

I should just do my own thing without looking at the art others do on social media,

In sports, that's known as your "personal best". Not trying to beat anything else.

Just show up, without any expectations. So today is not the day? Try again tomorrow."

Sounds like a kind of mindfulness, right?

Wishing you well, and looking forward to anything artistic you'd like to post. Or any artistic insights or musings you might have.

[troebia]

I don't know, SD. It's hard to just accept things as they are. In the meantime, here's a watercolor I did today "plein air" in a village nearby.

IMG-20231202-WA0005.jpg (72.76 KiB) Viewed 280956 times

[snoringdog]

It's hard to just accept things as they are.

It certainly is.

Love the image, thanks!

[Mental Fairy]

Gosh that image is absolutely beautiful.

[manuel_moe_g]

Wow, this thread is delivering!

Thank you, Troebia!

Hope you are feeling better, rising above

[Mental Fairy]

Treobia, you are so appreciated here. Again I wish we were all neighbours! If we could name our street I would love to know what we would call it!

[troebia]

Thank you all for your positive comments and encouragement. It helps, now that I'm hitting new lows since the tinnitus has decided to return to occupy my thoughts with a vengeance. It seems the positive effects I've had of the vortioxetine are probably worth the side effects, and I'm calibrating the sweet spot which could be 5 mg together with up to 0.5 mg alprazolam as needed. 10 mg is definitely too much and just 2.5 mg doesn't do anything at all.

Now that I know there are heightened risks of embarrassing "brain farts" and memory lapses, they may be manageable and I simply have to be vigilant, think well before I speak and not freak out when the lapses come since they only last for ten seconds at the most. I may be driving for a moment without knowing where I am, but at least driving well and not being a danger to the public.

I have an appointment with an audiologist in two weeks to review the tests I did. I want to know if there's any way I could try the new promising audio therapies that are in the news lately, with sessions of noise cancelling of the tinnitus frequencies combined with natural sounds to "reeducate" the brain. If they can't offer this, I could "roll my own" with some online resources and a cheap noise cancelling headset.

[troebia]

This is more like a log entry than having something to say from our street, MF
My hand with drawing and painting is slowly returning. I'm trying so hard now to ignore my hearing, which I imagine is becoming slowly worse. Everything seems in flux. The day before yesterday I had a slight accident while burning prunings. I had cut a big reed plant and the dry leaves were extremely flammable. In a few seconds I was practically engulfed by flames four meters tall, searing my eyebrows and ruining my (old) glasses in the heat. The wind thankfully bent the flames away from the nearby cypress trees. The fire died down as soon as it had exploded. So I realised, without my glasses I might have injured my eyes seriously. Things happen just like that.

[manuel_moe_g]

Please take care, Troebia