Mind Body and Trauma

[troebia]

NO mum you are NOT going to work today, and that’s an order.

That's a meme! I couldn't resist

meme_MF.jpg (47.71 KiB) Viewed 43688 times

[Mental Fairy]

Hehe , she’s the new grumpy cat!

[Mental Fairy]

Ok my people, I hope you all ok. I see there is some storms hitting states?

This week has been interesting, currently nursing infection in bowel again, started on Tuesday and reached its peak this morning. It looks like I might be paying Dr Arse Hole a visit.

Our neighbour seems to be having a breakdown and was up for most of the night drinking in her spa. Let’s just say my beauty sleep was limited and my attention span today have been 3 seconds before getting annoyed for being so tired. Very tempting to go start up the lawn mower outside their bedroom window. She did this drinking binge last weekend too, I see a pattern forming!

I have had a strange dream however that had annoyed me a little. I was walking through a house and having to conduct tasks in each room before moving onto the next. In my dream I said to myself and someone else in the room that I have to complete the tasks before I go back to my body and wake up. The person was trying to put me off the tasks so I didn’t wake up. Upon waking up apparently I was saying it in my sleep also. It was like being in two places at once.

Think we are running out of clean oxygen in the southern hemisphere as I think I’m going crazy!

[manuel_moe_g]

Please take care, Mental Fairy

Wishing you that peaceful, recuperative sleep

[troebia]

I have had a strange dream however that had annoyed me a little. I was walking through a house and having to conduct tasks in each room before moving onto the next. In my dream I said to myself and someone else in the room that I have to complete the tasks before I go back to my body and wake up. The person was trying to put me off the tasks so I didn’t wake up. Upon waking up apparently I was saying it in my sleep also. It was like being in two places at once.

MF, that sounds like textbook performance anxiety. The "someone else" may be another part of yourself?

[Mental Fairy]

Good point, never thought of it that way.

[Mental Fairy]

Today I feel embarrassed and shameful.
The last five days I’ve been fighting an infection with stubbornness and frustration!
I had to give in yesterday and see one of my colleagues for treatment.

Not many people at work know the true nature of my bowel disease and to have to explain it to people I would around I felt so embarrassed and full of shame. Currently on antibiotics and sitting at my desk after a restless night feeling overwhelming shame.

Even the lady who took my bloods gave me the look I hate. The look of pity. I don’t take it well and felt like screaming. When I walked into the doorway to get an internal examination the Christmas tree fell down! Omen or what!

[troebia]

Hello MF, there are so many things I obviously am clueless about but why do you feel shame about being vulnerable? Is there a code or something in your profession that says you can't be ill yourselves?

[Mental Fairy]

Hi sweet Troebia.

I’ve got chronic bowel disease that is progressive and frustrating for a person who does absolutely everything in her power to stay well and hydrated.
I work in a large emergency area that caters for private medical and dental healthcare plus pharmacy. We are a tight knit crew of many staff and 90% of them don’t know much about me at all apart from my role. Our emergency room at our local hospital is normally a 12+ hour wait. I had been brewing an infection since Tuesday and left it too late to deal with. Did the head in sand move.
Along comes Friday night, we have been so busy I didn’t even click it was actually Friday let alone evening. Long story short I asked for one of the female doctors to have a look and confirm my suspicions. I was correct. I have a combo infection and now on antibiotics but awaiting test results on some blood work. Let’s just say I have a real sense of pride to not informing many at work of the condition. They just see I don’t eat solid foods while at work and have my own fridge!
I don’t like people physically seeing me weak if that makes sense??

[troebia]

I don't know if it "makes sense". Once in a job I thought I was essential (wrong) and thought my value as a person was what I accomplished while working (wrong). I developed back problems, had an internal ocular bleeding and sowed the seeds of general anxiety disorder. There was a period when I was 18 hours a day in front of a computer. I almost wrecked my relationship. In hindsight I should have gotten out much sooner, before body and mind went off the rails. It probably all deformed my life permanently.