January EAP: five sessions with new counselor.

[oak]

Hi friends.

Thanks to my work benefits, I get five sessions of free counseling each year.

I have my first trial session with a counselor tomorrow (Wednesday) morning. I have very clear goals for these sessions, specifically building my professional skills and portfolio this winter.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you for update, i was really wondering how your work situation was going and plans for this year.

Are you still doing kettlebell training?

[oak]

Response to Mental Fairy
Today's session
Why I like short-term counseling
Posting/checking plan for me, in this forum

Response to Mental Fairy

Are you still doing kettlebell training?

Hi Mental Fairy!

I still like kettlebell, but (1) eased into barre in 2023 and (2) I can't afford the gym membership anymore; I hope to return to the gym within a few months as my finances improve.

Today's session

Today was the first of five short-term counseling sessions, and the counselor seems good. We discussed CBT (briefly), affirmations, and action plans to build my professional skills and portfolio.

Why I like short-term counseling

I've never had a long-term counseling experience end well: they all tend to meander towards chit-chat, rather than identifying and effecting a treatment plan. Eventually they all ghost me, which bothers me most for professional reasons: as a professional myself, I'd be fired for the lackadaisical nonsense all counselors I've worked with have effected.

I've only had good and powerful experiences with short-term counseling.

Posting/checking plan for me, in this forum: Tuesdays and Saturdays

Since I tend to check this forum compulsively, I hope to sticking to posting twice a week.

I send recovery, even if I am virtually present for a few days at a time

[oak]

Hi friends.

I just completed my second of five sessions, and I'm not sure I am a fit with this counselor.

My gut knows I should change counselors, but if I were to find a new one we'd start on my third of five sessions. I'm not sure that is enough time. I also don't want to hurt my current counselors' feelings (though I admit that shouldn't factor in).

At today's session we got caught up in what I considered minutiae. I have a big issue (housing uncertainty come May 1), and in our sessions so far I felt there was little or no urgency or focus. Short-term counseling has to be focused. I need focus and fire.

Also, she has provided me with no useful materials (eg CBT stuff). I could find these things at the excellent Therapist's Aid website, but there is little structure in our sessions so far. She has mentioned CBT, but I know no more about how to apply it to my issue than when we began.

I'm sure my counselor is a good person and also the right counselor for most people, probably just not me.

Bigger picture, I may need to acknowledge that whatever help I'll receive from her is limited, and to make the most of this situation.

It is not all bad, but it is a lot of minutiae when I have a pressing issue. I may need to be my own hero, here, in my housing situation.

Bigger bigger picture, not just her: I am surprised at the profound lack of professionalism I've experienced with all the mental health counselors I've worked it.

Thanks for listening!

[oak]

(Some more thoughts)

She spent the entire session on the actions we agreed I'd try. I did everything we agreed on, and she discussed the proverbial trees, and not the proverbial forest staring us right in the face.

Here's what I wish she had said:

"Oak, we've identified an important reason to seek short-term counseling, housing security, and this is our second of five sessions. Let's discuss
(1) Specific actions we can agree on
(2) Why these specific actions will support the therapeutic framework I prefer, CBT
(3) How you can apply these lessons, this structure, these heuristics, in other areas of your life"

Instead, there was a tedious and tetchy focus on actions that had no apparent relation to any therapeutic model.

I'm just angry, my friends.

[Mental Fairy]

Question, do you get to pick from a list of therapists? I know you have three left but can you still change??

Frustratingly covering all topics in five sessions is a big push. Can you maybe bullet point your top three things to get the most out of the next three?

[troebia]

Here's what I wish she had said:
"Oak, we've identified an important reason to seek short-term counseling, housing security, and this is our second of five sessions. Let's discuss
(1) Specific actions we can agree on
(2) Why these specific actions will support the therapeutic framework I prefer, CBT
(3) How you can apply these lessons, this structure, these heuristics, in other areas of your life"

Sadly in my own experience finding a decent therapist is really hard. You also have an additional "problem" when you know something about how good therapy is supposed to go. The last year I had two therapists that each disappointed me in their own way.

Therapist A: "Let's first go through my fixed 16-session CBT program and see how you feel later."
Me: "But I want to start treating my specific issues right away, like the tinnitus."
Therapist A: "Oh, we'll get to that later, when you've already spent $1000. But tell me what else bothers you now, so I have a chance to read up on it in the meantime. I really don't have a f***ing clue about therapy."

Therapist B: "I'm going to challenge your belief system by making you do written exercises at home, and then tell you how wrong you are. And after we've looked at the exercises I'll spend the second half of the sessions talking about myself."
Me: "So now that we've done a couple of sessions, I realize that I'm just answering what you want to hear."
Therapist B: "That's the thing, it will sink in gradually. Now let's wrap up, I have to take my daughter to her tennis lesson. By the way, have you seen my new Apple Watch? It's so cool."

[oak]

Requested therapist change
Mental Fairy
Troebia
Going forward

Requested therapist change

Friends, I did what was clearly indicated: I requested a therapist change.

I should have done it after the first session, when she began lecturing me about sleep apnea: she enunciated the words "sleep study" and "pulmonologist" as if I had never heard those words before. She was wasting my time, not only for getting off-topic, but for discussing stuff I faced in 2020. smh.

I sent her a brief message, explaining that I didn't see a fit, and wishing her well.

I want to win a specific someone in 2024, and this counselor was not going to get me there.

Mental Fairy

Question, do you get to pick from a list of therapists?

Yes, but there are only so many options (~20) showing in the app, based on their criteria. I had an excellent therapist this time last year, but I couldn't get her profile to populate.

Troebia

Sadly in my own experience finding a decent therapist is really hard. You also have an additional "problem" when you know something about how good therapy is supposed to go. The last year I had two therapists that each disappointed me in their own way.

Well said, Troebia.

Both of these clowns clearly failed you. I would posit it as malpractice.

There is much I could say, and I encourage you to post more as you see fit, but for my response here for the sake of brevity:

One thing I've noticed with all failed professionals, including therapists, is a lack of taking ownership.

Example: in my job (paper pushing, but we use pdfs nowadays), if I didn't take ownership of the issue at hand, they would rightfully fire me.

If I believed in conspiracies I'd think therapists go out of their way not to help people resolve their problems, not matter how plainly we bring these issues to them. smh.

Going forward

When I met with my next counselor I will be polite-civil-focused-boundary-professional Oak.

I won't be rude, but I will kindly but plainly ask if they are willing to spend three sessions focused on my exact problem, goal, and desired action I want to effect.

I am 100% crystal clear on what I want to accomplish. If this next person can't or won't do, I won't hesitate to try again.

A word of advice

I encourage anyone reading this to (1) go into their session with as clear of plans as possible, and (2) change therapists if there is any sign the therapist will not focus on said issue.

I/we have tolerated unprofessional behavior from therapists that we'd never accept from any other category of service provider.

[troebia]

I won't be rude, but I will kindly but plainly ask if they are willing to spend three sessions focused on my exact problem, goal, and desired action I want to effect.

Good idea, but it may not be received well by the "professional" in question. It's a bit like going to a carpenter with a piece of wood and telling them exactly how to cut it, how to join it and how to lacquer it

Perhaps we're both past the entry-level CBT stuff that "regular" therapists provide. Whenever I'll feel the need for more counselling, I'm going to try AA meetings or similar, or try to get in touch with a spiritual person. Maybe I'd also try ayahuasca and shrooms, they don't scare me as much as before I started taking vortioxetine which is also mind-altering in a sense.

[Mental Fairy]

https://www.theembodylab.com/schedule/the-body-keeps-the-score?fbclid=IwAR2WKgqJdqFWLiNxo9iF-I0v2nX9gX3CRNSvr5kBM7fANSnGNWE3pENiPds