Mind Body and Trauma

[manuel_moe_g]

Please take care, Mental Fairy, read your post, you are going through a lot

You deserved a much better mother

[oak]

Agreed with Manuel Moe.

We are standing by you during these difficult times.

[troebia]

Upon waking I felt like I needed to bleach my brain and try rid her of the stains she has left in my memory.

Alcohol is an excellent stain remover but I'm glad you don't resort to that. I sometimes wish I hadn't discovered it.

[snoringdog]

Last Sunday I got Joe to remove a box of photos I had in the house that i somehow ended up with after my grandma died. I didn’t know half the people in them and the ones I did know I wished I didn’t.

Sometimes ceremonious destruction can be quite cathartic. (You also posted about someone unexpectedly dropping off a picture of your mother at the office).

Maybe burning them in the fire pit? Or putting them slowly through a shredder, with a little bit of soothing self talk? Make it a little ceremony.

It was a real emotional load off for me when I finally dumped all the pamphlets and the many hand-written notes I'd taken during the bible studies and sessions we had so long ago. I’d been keeping them in a crate in the garage for twenty years or more!

(...."But maybe he *was* onto something... He *did* turn out to be kind of a shit, but what if there's still something *to* the whole thing..." ).
It was like a real weight off my shoulders.

I have the dreams back. Two nights in a row.

It sounds like a nighttime ambush. Wish there was a way for you to gain some control...

I've read a little bit about dream rehearsals for oft-repeating dreams...
Maybe consciously remembering and analyzing, to making some kind of sense of it, and not to be at the mercy of your subconscious....

I felt lonely and isolated and deeply broken. My heart aches just as much as this broken hand.

Know that your friends here are aching along with you, reading this...

[Mental Fairy]

Hi team

Thank you for your kind responses. Brought a tear and a smile.

Last night I managed to sleep a bit better.
The photos have gone thankfully and the one the lady brought in to me at work has been shredded with great relief.

My cat has picked up on things and forever trying to cuddle me constantly.

I was listening to the grief episode on MIHH and it totally resonated with me.

Got up early and went for a jog, did some breathing exercises, feeling a bit more grounded. Donya is coming into work today to see what we do in clinic. I need some help at work to back me up. Will be interesting to see how she responds to working with me!

When I do the grounding type work, breathing exercises, movement and yoga I feel so much better. I just need to keep going and put one foot in front of the other. Even if it feels like running through molasses!

After trying to ride to therapy and work the other day my hand just aches. I held the bike handle with my left hand and rested my right on the other. I am so stubborn and determined to get my life back that I used to have, fit, strong, energetic that I keep pushing to hard. I need to pull back. I should have joined the army!!!!

Yesterday I found myself looking at road bikes to upgrade from what I’ve got. Had to keep reminding myself that I can’t ride yet. It’s just a dream.

The palm is now fully closed over but two large neuromas sit in the muscles below the thumb, the simple touch of something like a breath of air or cotton sends me through the roof. Joe is applying pressure with his thumbs and trying to work the scar tissue flat but it hurts so much I bite the pillow. Someone else touching it feels way better than me touching it. It’s like I’m detached from half my hand. So hard to explain. Must work on sensory touch and running blunt objects over the scars to get the brain to try connect to the feeling of the hand.
It’s taking every atom in my body not to down a bottle of wine and do it! Sadly I would end up shitting myself if i did that!

Adore you all so much. Thank you.

[oak]

Last night I managed to sleep a bit better.

Thank goodness. Keep us posted!

[Mental Fairy]

So glad you're back Oak, I can’t tell you how worried we were

[oak]

So glad you're back Oak, I can’t tell you how worried we were

I am glad to be back, Mental Fairy. I appreciate the warm welcome back.

[Mental Fairy]

For sale.

One right hand, used.
One of a kind
Four fingers, one thumb.
What you see is what you get.
Can ship nationally or internationally depending on custom regulations.

Price negotiation or swaps considered. Blood type B+. No added accessories included.

[troebia]

Looking rather good, I'd say! I think you should keep it