Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Peeps

Exhausted for some reason and feeling rather odd. Don’t feel present or here mentally at all.

At yoga the other night I was on the mat on my back just chilling out. I put a wheat pack eye cover over my eyes and forehead. They are made in a heart shape and basically just rest upon the eyes and forehead to block out light. I found this so incredibly hard to do but allowed the uncomfortable feeling to settle in.
During my assaults as a child I was blindfolded, this gave me such a fear of not just the loss of sight but also the feeling of not knowing what is around me. People were still coming and going into the hall and settling in. I could hear all the sounds of feet walking around everyone already laying down. It took me to a different place mentally but I persisted.

This feeling keeps popping back into my consciousness. Last night I was so incredibly tired. I thought I would test myself and put a sleeping mask on Joe uses in desperation to sleep prior to a night shift.

I had to fight the urge to remove it. Eventually i fell to sleep. All night I dreamt of people from my past, good bad and otherwise. I awoke feeling so drained and exhausted.

I’m wondering if i do it multiple times I might win and be able to get over the feeling of helplessness and anxiety.

[Mental Fairy]

Why would be cool is our own WhatsApp group.

[troebia]

I thought I would test myself and put a sleeping mask on Joe uses in desperation to sleep prior to a night shift.
I had to fight the urge to remove it. Eventually i fell to sleep. All night I dreamt of people from my past, good bad and otherwise. I awoke feeling so drained and exhausted.
I’m wondering if i do it multiple times I might win and be able to get over the feeling of helplessness and anxiety.

MF, that sounds like exposure therapy taken to the max and maybe it does more harm than good? Btw I'm curious about the new Apple Vision Pro and how that could potentially be used while falling to sleep, directing the mind with visuals that could reduce traumatic memories. Maybe it's not so comfortable to wear in bed though

Why would be cool is our own WhatsApp group.

I agree!

[Mental Fairy]

First day of snow!

[manuel_moe_g]

I love that photo, Mental Fairy

[Mental Fairy]

Morning Troebia

I agree with your exposure theory.
Last night I did it again with a heavier mask over the eyes and I shit you not I had the most scary dreams. I’m known for my dream madness and little excursions I go on some nights, last night was no exception. I remember water at my feet, my step mother and being in this horrible place and trying to say the Lord’s Prayer for some reason. No matter what I did I was unable to get it together enough to say it in full, weird thing is I don’t even know it!

Woke this morning and immediately went for a run. Yesterday I was a zombie, I got home and was unable to string a sentence together, I was that tired.

If anyone does want to do the WhatsApp group idea I’m keen as mustard on chicken.

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you MM
That is the mountain camp house. I used to use that as our place to meet before our climbs. It was an old army base. Building was moved up there from the city. Still has all the musket holes in it where the European army rested guns before shooting.

[snoringdog]

You live in a beautiful, weird and awful wonderland, Mental fairy !

[Mental Fairy]

Do I ever!!!!

This week has been interesting! Off to clinic. Will pop back soon.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team

Back to the start of our week here, Monday was a holiday to celebrate Taranaki Anniversary. I slept for most of it.
Autumn is upon us as the temp drops and I start to feel excited about the winter ahead of us.

As you have read I have been rather open about things on Troebias thread. Normally I wouldn’t be like this but since the process of meditation and self reflection I felt I needed to express things as they are. It’s been really helpful to feel connected to you all. We are all very vulnerable and beautiful as we are.

Sunday night I attended a breath work and yoga session with an instructor who was visiting from out of town. Wow she was good. I almost got a little weepy at the end. I did have a little giggle and thought of you all when I got myself into some bloody weird position and ended up with my cheek pushed up against the floor to ceiling window and my legs going the opposite direction to what they should be. I was completely off the yoga mat and facing the wrong direction. Tried so hard not to laugh and did have the passing thought of you all and wished you could all be there laughing along with me!
Doing these classes on a regular basis is having a great impact on me I have to say.

Donya wants to attend a movie that I am rather excited to see. SD I know this would be up your alley, it’s called The Convert. NZ film. Not sure when it comes out here in town as yet.

My nightmares are frequent currently, no idea why.

Joes now finally seeing what I see with my drunken uncle. Uncle is someone I’m really struggling with. He has learnt not to bring alcohol to our home. He’s just drunk on arrival now. The names he calls people are horrible and derogatory. I just ignore them. He makes me wild with anger now the moment he comes through the door every Sunday. He is someone I will never understand and probably holds a lot of family secrets I have no desire to hear about. My nice brother is having an affair with the towns main euthanasia doctor, she used to work here at our clinic next door on the medical side. She is drop dead gorgeous and a white water kayaker like him. Meanwhile my sister in law fights MS.
What is left of us in the family is so complicated and broken. I know this sounds horrible but I will be a lot happier once my uncle is gone. If you could hear the things he says about people who are kind and caring you would also wish not to know him. Makes me wild.

Better go and get some work done, I feel today is going to be long and drawn out.

Kiwi hugs