Mind Body and Trauma

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troebia
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Re: Mind Body and Trauma

Post by troebia »

Mental Fairy wrote: March 17th, 2024, 1:32 pm
I’m struggling with emotions lately. Been very teary in so many ways. Avoiding touch at all costs. I know it’s hard on Joe. When he so much as hugs me I feel worthless towards myself, I feel sorry for him putting up with me. I don’t feel attractive at all currently.
Do you put this into words with your partner? I mean, it could be very confusing for him if you aren't.
Mental Fairy wrote: March 17th, 2024, 1:32 pm
Donya is on the operating table currently having all her women bits removed because of the cancer. I feel useless. I’ve never had a friend before, not like this. F*#k Cancer. It’s taken so much away from us.
I hope she pulls through. For her, and for you.
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troebia
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Re: Mind Body and Trauma

Post by troebia »

Mental Fairy wrote: March 17th, 2024, 7:11 pm First prayer I learnt when I did my Te Reo Maori.
It's beautiful if you can grow into a culture like that. Having to adapt to certain customs by force and not by choice is different. For example, sometimes I feel very far from "latin" culture but I'm also glad my daughter got to experience it as a child and could later make the independent choice herself to not be religious and not participate in the fiestas anymore.
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snoringdog
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Re: Mind Body and Trauma

Post by snoringdog »

to not be religious and not participate in the fiestas anymore.
Are fiestas primarily religious things?

As a kid in Catholic school, they'd be saying this is so-and-so's feast day, and we'd always wonder where all the food was... ;)
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troebia
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Re: Mind Body and Trauma

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snoringdog wrote: March 18th, 2024, 7:14 pm Are fiestas primarily religious things?
Well, the core of the festivities is always the celebration of some saint or some denomination of the virgin Mary. If you're participating in the whole shebang of the annual fiestas of València, for example, you'd be in traditional dress right now walking in procession (maybe for hours, with your children, maybe pushing a pram) with a bouquet of flowers to be put as an offering into a giant wooden structure representing the virgin in the square in front of the chapel by the cathedral. And you'd go to mass etc. Here's a photo: https://www.vaqueradelespacio.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/ofrenda-int05.jpg

If you look at it coldly from the outside, the core of it all is profoundly sexist, elitist and retrograde. Each neighbourhood elects their "queen" and to be elected the main queen of the whole city (la Fallera Mayor) your family has to spend a small fortune on dresses, jewelry and time to go to all the preparatory acts. The young woman selected is always good looking and from a family with connections to the economical and political elite.

Here, the cult of the virgin Mary is more important than Christ. MIL prays only thinking of the virgin, and its extension is the matriarchy that used to rule a traditional Spanish household from within. She silently (sometimes not) judges everything that goes outside the norms of the conservative hierarchy. Above all was dictator Franco, then the Bishop, then the local priest, doctors and then the local big shots but behind closed doors she and all other "decent" married women would ultimately reign over their family with the aid of the Virgin.
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troebia
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Re: Mind Body and Trauma

Post by troebia »

Btw for most of the younger generation the fiestas here aren't about religion or tradition at all. It's simply having fun on a holiday with friends, throwing firecrackers, banging drums, having beer + tapas + greasy pastries, and extremely loud street concerts until 4AM. For those like me, the city is off limits during this week. Even taking the metro train can become a "challenge" LOL:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4YUN1HNitZ
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manuel_moe_g
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Re: Mind Body and Trauma

Post by manuel_moe_g »

an artist in spain! so romantic! (i know the reality you report to us is hardly romantic, but still)

just had a flash of something like insight, what a terror to have your creative spark snuffed out by medication

please take care, Troebia
~~~~~~
http://www.reddit.com/r/obsequious_thumbtack -- Obsequious Thumbtack Headdress
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snoringdog
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Re: Mind Body and Trauma

Post by snoringdog »

I first read that as "an artist in pain" ;)

Thank you for the detailed socio-religious description Troebia, I had no idea.
But then again, it makes perfect sense.
All status and competition and being "in".

I guess you'd be hard pressed to find a society not like that, at least to varying degrees...
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Mental Fairy
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Re: Mind Body and Trauma

Post by Mental Fairy »

I’m blown away by the information. So interesting. Fiestas are never heard of here. Like never!
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troebia
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Re: Mind Body and Trauma

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manuel_moe_g wrote: March 19th, 2024, 10:09 am an artist in spain! so romantic! (i know the reality you report to us is hardly romantic, but still)
MM, living in Spain can be just as good or bad as any place and I don't think I've ever thought of it as romantic :D

I was thinking about life choices while walking the dogs in the woods behind our house. We sacrificed the convenience of living in a village or a small city for fresh, dry air and having more space. Visitors from the city say they'd not be comfortable at all up here in the mountains -- most are obsessed with living near the humid beaches below.

Even further inland, in the Aragon province, people are generally less competitive and with less attitude than here: you can walk into a bar there without everyone turning around and trying to figure you out, for example. There's a certain ruggedness and frankness that I like, which maybe goes with the colder climate and the fact that it's one of the least inhabited areas in Europe. If my marriage ever blows up I'd definitely try to live there.
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snoringdog
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Re: Mind Body and Trauma

Post by snoringdog »

Hello Mental Fairy,

How's your thumb doing BTW?
And how's Donya?

I hope things are well...
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