Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

A bit of both, I’ve been run down and pushing myself to try pretend all is ok. I’m not ok. I’m aware I’m not healing from this cold, chest infection and marriage failure. People are picking up on it.

[troebia]

So sorry MF, I can sense your sadness or emptiness. I am myself at a very low point in my relationship. It's like balancing a chess board full of pieces of different sizes and weights, isn't it? And isn't it tempting to play badly just to lose and see everything fall apart...don't think I'd play again.

[Mental Fairy]

It’s such a weird feeling, there is still caring there but it’s not like it needs to be. It’s shifted massively since our trip away.
I can see it in his eyes but he can’t say anything. He is even going for a drive at 2am in mornings because he can’t sleep. It’s so hard. I almost cried multiple times today.

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

I'd like to reply to your earlier posts in detail, but it'll need to wait..
(Just got back from an impromptu barbecue invitation with our Peruvian neighbors. They're very welcoming and hospitable. Had maybe eight beers (I can't say no, and they were very friendly-pushy ) and watched the American soccer playoffs. A very positive and bonding experience tonight....

One question they asked me was "How many *sons* do you have?".
I had to say "None" - (A choice I made as a teenager, long before any marriage considerations at all).
Does this make me less of a husband, a man, or a human being? (You're ahead of me on this count by-the-way )

I can see it in his eyes but he can’t say anything.

I know this! Sometimes it's so hard for men to articulate our thoughts and feelings to begin with, and sometimes there's the added fear of stirring up an angry or emotional reaction from the wife, or starting down an emotional road whose end it's hard to see.

He is even going for a drive at 2am in mornings because he can’t sleep.

Yes! Years ago I would leave the house and go on a hard-pounding walk to get away from my wife, and any potentially explosive argument that I was afraid might occur.

It’s so hard. I almost cried multiple times today.

It is hard!
Marriage is hard!
Life is hard!

Go ahead and cry.
Can you cry together with Joe?

[manuel_moe_g]

Yes, marriage is hard. If my wife and I divorce, I will need years of therapy to strengthen my perception of my self before I would trust myself to pick a long term partner

Please, everyone take care, be a blessing to yourself

[troebia]

pick a long term partner

Maybe true peace at our age lies within realising that going forward there will be only connections, not a single union.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team

The crying has been intermittent as I’ve been on call for the last few days, work is a distraction.
On day eight now of 12 hour days, I have packed my car up and going bush after work.

I feel sick to the stomach with what is happening. Matt is our only son, he’s 20 in September and already he’s in camp dad by the looks of it. We did try talking yesterday via text as face to face is too hard on shifts. He’s looking at going back to South Island for work. Will see what happens.

The pit in my stomach hurts

[manuel_moe_g]

Please take good care of yourself, Mental Fairy. Give yourself maximum self-compassion

[Mental Fairy]

Final shift is done. Last emergency of the week completed. One day off tomorrow and back to normal hours.

I’m feeling pretty tired and overwhelmed.

We had a new dentist start with us this week. Within the first five patients I knew immediately he wasn’t going to last. He’s a stand up comic outside of his dental job. A patient opened his mouth for him and the dentist said ‘oh my god’ the patient was embarrassed enough about his teeth so it didn’t help when the dentist said these words. We immediately got off on the wrong footing. He then goes on to make demands for different things. Keep in mind this man is a locum not a permanent person. Just go help us out till the end of the year so we can take a break from time to time. There is absolutely no way I can allow this person to work with our long term patients. His stand up comedy needs to be left at the surgery door.
I’ve given him till the end of the month to leave. He can work Friday only till next month. He said to me he’s here to make money not friends.
Never in my life have I wanted to knock someone’s head off like I do his. Our practice is one big happy family. We have dinners together, we go out together to shows. We are all family and friends. Then he comes in with all the demands in the world.

It’s snowing on the mountain so I’m packing the car and going up the hill. Time to relax and build a fire .
Hugs

[manuel_moe_g]

Ugh, he sounds very convinced of his comedic ability, and the rest of the world is underwhelmed. What a jerk