Feeling sad about my marriage

[snoringdog]

She is Buddhist

Hello Manny,

I have to ask - what does that do for her??

What do you think she wants in life?

Being "Type A" and a follower of Buddhist philosophy seems at be cross purposes, no?

[troebia]

"Jennifer", forgive me for asking but are you a real person? This thread was started by MM, not SD...

[Mental Fairy]

Hi MM, I agree with the idea of getting away for a couple of days. Take a long weekend. Honestly it will help massively.

[manuel_moe_g]

Tried to have a discussion, but it turned into a fight. My wife takes honestly stating the facts as an attack. I knew our marriage was bad, but things are worse than I knew. Fundamentally, if someone has depression and ADHD, my wife cannot give them basic human respect. End of story.

My reality is complicated, my life is complicated, and I will just put one foot ahead of another and slowly constantly improve myself and do it for me

[manuel_moe_g]

I grew up with abuse and no respect, so I learned to tolerate that

[manuel_moe_g]

Probably an AI post in this thread, but very tiny chance it is a sincere post, so I will leave it, as a moderator making an executive decision

Not cool to run AI against a human’s pain, but that is where we are at

[manuel_moe_g]

"I trust myself, I trust this process, and I am grateful for my efforts." — "Because setting a boundary like this and caring for myself in this way is very new."

Compassion towards the one that is struggling, giving grace to the one that is struggling, and patience over how long it takes to make a major change expressed towards the one that is struggling. These are the things that were denied me by my parents growing up. But I can give these things to myself now, and give it to my younger selves inside of me.

[troebia]

Manny, I replied yesterday but it got lost while posting

Basically I wanted to express my sympathy for you. Imo you must, repeat must, get your partner to couples therapy with you. She must hear a third party's opinion. If she won't listen to a counsellor, then staying with her is like kicking a dead horse.

Though when a partner is faced with an ultimatum that can't be ignored, cried or shouted away, something might finally click inside them. It happened to my wife years ago, although I'm still sometimes debating inwardly if it was for the best because things should be better than "just bearable". Anyway, she knows about the hard limit and respects the signs whenever she approaches it. It sounds ugly and maybe it is, like any pragmatic peace treaty.

I believe that one's innermost goals should be independent of the partner and all current limiting conditions. A "good" prisoner dreams of release in spite of the present hardships, and they plan for a life outside in freedom.

[manuel_moe_g]

Feeling very empty and sad

[manuel_moe_g]

Yeah, I can feel it, the root cause of all this is that I entered into a relationship with 0% sense of self-esteem and 0% sense of self, that little dude I was, he was a broken toy