Mind Body and Trauma

[troebia]

‘oh my god’

For me as a patient there would have been only two options:
Immediately get up and leave, or shove several dental tools down his throat and then leave. Depending on the smirk on his face, I might also have done him a couple of "extractions".

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

..fire blazing away i slept in my birthday suit for the first time ever....It felt so primal. ....it really was intoxicating to have such freedom.
Upon waking i craved the coolness of the air outside.....guess what i did! yip you guessed it....wow what a feeling. Outside on the deck...It was brief but so good to feel the contrast of the heat and the coolness.

I've had this experience too, alone in the woods in a cabin by a beaver pond. You can get used to it pretty quickly.
No wonder nudist colonies are a thing. (Not sure I'd be comfortable there though )

The I remembered this laugh-out-loud news story from early in the pandemic

https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/czech-nudists-virus-police/index.html

Czech.JPG (112.47 KiB) Viewed 966 times

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

Thoughts inline -

Not wishing to participate in adventures and times in the hills. It is all about work for him and couch.
because I want to keep moving forward in life and keep challenging myself and progressing, he does not.

Sounds like depression maybe? What's motivating and of interest, anything?
What does he really want, do you think? Could he be having a sort of empty-nest phase since your son is grown?
Maybe there's something a little less strenuous you both can do together - still active & interesting and out-of-doors?

For years (12+) I had stopped doing the things I wanted just to please him.
I stopped climbing, I stopped tramping, I stopped hiking, I stopped attending events. More so because Matt was young and I wanted to keep the peace.

You did much good in this. Being there for your young son was so important. Look at all the major damage done by neglectful parents evident here on the MIHH pods and elsewhere.

and I don’t think there will ever be a cure for this bowel but I sure as heck and going to live and love my life in a different way.

Absolutely understandable.

I feel sick to the stomach with what is happening. Matt is our only son, he’s 20 in September and already he’s in camp dad by the looks of it. We did try talking yesterday via text as face to face is too hard on shifts. He’s looking at going back to South Island for work. Will see what happens.

Keep texting if nothing else. It can add a bit of needed emotional distance and you are quite eloquent.
( I wonder how much better/different my relationship with my parents would have been if I'd had it.)

So, what does "Camp Dad" mean here, do you think? Does it need to be one or the other of you?
(My brother is recently divorced and they have joint custody of their two high school age children. It must be difficult at times, but they're not making anything adversarial. Each has much to offer, just not as a couple it appears).

Anyway, FWIW.

Hope you're over the cold

And in your office,

Illegitimi non carborundum

SD

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Lovey team
Back from four days in the bush again. Absolutely loved it, very much back to basis. More hard talks to go with Joe.

Matt now works for one of the main trucking companies. He’s managed to get on his feet again.

Will message soon when I get back surgery tomorrow.

I don’t think I could do the nudist part of being in public SD!!! lol maybe in the dark.

[manuel_moe_g]

Wishing you the very best of luck on your procedure, Mental Fairy!

[Mental Fairy]

I’m all good MM, I meant I was working in surgery today. Sorry should have been more clear.

Things at home are not great. Very cold and reserved. Joe staying until we looking into either buy each other out or selling up. I am aware I’m not handling my emotions well. A lot of anger and resentment for many reasons. I have a meeting next week with friend who is a mortgage broker so will see what options I have.

Matt is now working for a large trucking company here, starting next week. Joe managed to get him the job. I know Joe is a good person but I don’t feel comfortable trying to resolve things. I have nothing left to give. I feel I’ve progressed so much in a short space of time. I do feel like a failure in a way. I don’t want to look back in 2, 5 or 10 years wishing I left long ago.
Tears are happening at random times.

Joes hours got cut massively due to economic reasons, he won’t even better himself in any way while he has downtime. I feel for him but life has to continue..

Back soon, my friend just knocked on door!

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

I'm sorry it's reached this point, but maybe it's for the best.

SD

[Mental Fairy]

Going through a separation is very similar to a death. The grief waves are the same.

[snoringdog]

Yes, just looked it up again.
Top stressors in life, in order -

Death of a spouse
Divorce
Marital Separation
Being incarcerated
Death of a close family member
Major personal injury or illness
...

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy

MM, how is your friend going? Have you been checking in?

This is a check-up on you.
Really tough times for you now it seems.

Do you have support? Don't be afraid to ask for help, or just a listening ear.

Wishing you well.

SD