Mind Body and Trauma

[manuel_moe_g]

It is:

(1) <controlling> when should be <loving>

(2) resenting someone for the most magical parts of themselves — “dammit! Be less magical!”

… I am so very sorry, Mental Fairy

[troebia]

Honestly I feel like I’ve been stripped of my identity for years, slowly I’m gaining it back

It's so effed up that you have to go through all this, Mental Fairy. At the same time, you are demonstrating such strength and have clear thoughts. The abusive behaviour of your husband shows that he's in denial and that he still "loves" you in his own roundabout way. It's not on the same level of course, but here in Spain whenever a man has killed his spouse, during interrogation he'll often say "I killed her out of love, because she was mine, only mine".

You can switch off Airtag tracking on your phone without having to disable GPS or Bluetooth, so that the tag can't report its position at least via your phone, though it would still be trackable whenever in Bluetooth range of other Apple devices. It's probably not illegal to put a tag on property you own together as a (still) married couple, but I believe it would be different if he had put one in your purse.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team

Thank you for your feedback. I have woken feeling nauseous and empty. Forced in some toast and a keg of coffee. Today I have to work so it will be interesting to step back into surgery mode and take care of others.

One plus, my son is communicating with me a little bit.

I agree Joe is in denial. He is unpredictable also. Watch this space.

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy

One plus, my son is communicating with me a little bit.

Well that's good at least. How was he thru the teen years? (often a time of pulling away)

I agree Joe is in denial. He is unpredictable also. Watch this space.

I have no idea how you've been communicating (or not) thru all this, but what do you think he really wants? It's obviously a give-and-take in a relationship. (says the expert in all this )

Just the status quo maybe?
(In your posts you've always seemed to be looking out for them food-wise at the very least).

[Mental Fairy]

I love your food wise comment.

Cooking is a love of mine. I love to feed people. Don’t know why. Maybe because my Nan was like that. I took pride in cooking.

Looking back I noticed I stopped cooking as much, didn’t put the effort in. Stopped caring about it so much. Heck I went to the grocery store for the first time in three weeks last night. It was brilliant.

Joe and I communicate daily. It’s been up and down. Emotionally he is really really struggling. He sees what he has lost, he’s begged, he’s pleaded and he’s gone into denial.

Awkward part is going to be selling up.

Matt has really thrown a curve ball at us both.
He was given an inheritance to be put into an account for when he turned 20. That is in three weeks. I went to the bank to arrange all the stuff and found he already had it…….two years ago. The bank didn’t put it into the correct account and he’s been dipping into it all this time.
We are still not talking really.

I’m currently the wicked witch of the west. He’s 20 soon and acting like a child. Bank is doing an apology currently. That won’t change anything. Plus I’ve lost trust in Matt.

Today i had to walk out of work just for a bit to catch some air. Things get a bit much at times. I feel a lot of shame for some reason.

I’ve also found Joe has been confiding in Donya daily. Wanting to talk, get updates on me and my movements. I’ve sadly had to pull back a bit on the time I have with her for some reason. I have nothing to fear but really anxious about my ex husband trying to get help from my best friend.

I feel like I’m in a washing machine of emotions. My marriage wasn’t all bad but i am a passionate person. I need passion in my life. I need a life in this lifetime not an existence.

I blame myself for the failure a lot. But when you’re not attached or attracted to someone you can’t force it??

[manuel_moe_g]

Take zero blame, Mental Fairy.

All the very best, sending you all the good vibes over the internet wires!

[troebia]

I need passion in my life. I need a life in this lifetime not an existence.
I blame myself for the failure a lot. But when you’re not attached or attracted to someone you can’t force it??

Acting well-adjusted and smoothing out the wrinkles, I know how it feels. How little I've valued my time, true needs, passions through the years. Adapting, always adapting instead of putting my foot down.

It must be hard having trust issues with your own son. I'm convinced my daughter would take sides and support only my wife if we split up, but I suppose that's only to be expected. I don't have an IRL friend to fully confide in. Have you spoken to Donya about the way your husband is talking with her?

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you team.

I brought up today with Joe that I’m aware of the communication between them. He said nothing.

Matt is being rude and horrible towards me at times. I’m close to breaking point with him.
Joe said he feels like he’s lost two of his favourite people. I honestly can’t live my life so unhappy just to make someone else happy. It’s so broken.

I feel like everything is my fault currently. Being made to feel that way.

[manuel_moe_g]

Not your fault, you have a soul that craves something real, and you simply cannot make do with the shallow surface-level garbage that many people consider to be enough. Also, you cannot do all the work for both people in a relationship. If they don’t want to do the work, then fuck them. Simple as that.

Please take very good care of yourself, Mental Fairy

Sending you all the good vibes over the Internet wires

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

I'm sorry you're struggling with all this. I guess things really came to a head after your recent retreat..
A few thought inline, for what they're worth.

I love your food wise comment.
Cooking is a love of mine. I love to feed people. Don’t know why. Maybe because my Nan was like that. I took pride in cooking.

Just a beautiful & nurturing part of your personality....

Joe and I communicate daily. It’s been up and down. Emotionally he is really really struggling. He sees what he has lost, he’s begged, he’s pleaded and he’s gone into denial.

It's sad that it had to reach this point for it to register. We can be pretty dense.
Years ago we were (in my view) discussing some thing another when my wife grabbed a dish and smashed it on the floor.
I was shocked, but blame myself for not perceiving how she was feeling. (The dish thing is a cliché yes, but it happens )

Awkward part is going to be selling up.

Yes, that's the shitty part, and messy. Some couples go into trial separations, not sure how that really works.

--------------------------------

Matt has really thrown a curve ball at us both.
He was given an inheritance to be put into an account for when he turned 20. That is in three weeks. I went to the bank to arrange all the stuff and found he already had it…….two years ago.
We are still not talking really.
I’m currently the wicked witch of the west. He’s 20 soon and acting like a child. Bank is doing an apology currently. That won’t change anything. Plus I’ve lost trust in Matt.

That's sad, and it sounds like he was sneaky about it.
Since he was young, you said you'd tried to teach him to apportion his pocket money (some to the kiwi-breeding program). Hope at least that he can be responsible with it....
And acting like a child, I guess that's probably to be expected with an emotional situation like this. We hear fairy tales as children and when disillusionment sets in, it's hard to swallow.
---------------------------------------------------

Today I had to walk out of work just for a bit to catch some air. Things get a bit much at times. I feel a lot of shame for some reason.

We all want to live happily ever after.. It's ingrained, and normal.
And women especially are expected to keep the household and the relationship together, more so than men....

I’ve also found Joe has been confiding in Donya daily. Wanting to talk, get updates on me and my movements. I’ve sadly had to pull back a bit on the time I have with her for some reason. I have nothing to fear but really anxious about my ex husband trying to get help from my best friend.

That's too bad, since you've recently found her as a real friend. It must be hard for her to be in the middle of this.

I feel like I’m in a washing machine of emotions. My marriage wasn’t all bad but i am a passionate person. I need passion in my life. I need a life in this lifetime not an existence.

I blame myself for the failure a lot. But when you’re not attached or attracted to someone you can’t force it??

---------------------------------

Matt is being rude and horrible towards me at times. I’m close to breaking point with him.

You don't deserve that, but I guess he's still working thru it. Change of any kind is difficult and disruptive.

Joe said he feels like he’s lost two of his favorite people. I honestly can’t live my life so unhappy just to make someone else happy. It’s so broken.

I feel like everything is my fault currently. Being made to feel that way.

It takes two to tango as they say. This was a long time in the making...