Hello from overseas(?)

[Ol’]

Hello. I live in a country where therapy is not common, and support groups even less so. My experience with psychiatry has not been good.

I’ve had a terrible time since my 20s (I’m getting close to 40) I took care of my Granma until she died, while also attending university during my late 20s. I’m extremely shy, never had a real girlfriend/boyfriend (I am not sure about my sexuality), and my sexual experience is almost non existent. I have virtually no friends. I’m economically dependent on my parents —I live with my father and a train-wreck of a younger brother.

The last 6-7 years I got to know someone who was 10 years younger I thought idolized me and we built an unusual friendship. We made everything together. I’ve never felt such an overwhelming feeling. But some years ago they met someone else and has been in love, increasingly, ever since. As for me, our relationship is ever more distant. Lately, I’ve come to accept the reality —after 2 or 3 years of depression and suicidal tendencies. I feel a little better lately, but that doesn’t help with the practicalities of my life (I still try to be a good friend but I’ve become embittered) nor with my feelings of mortality and regret and lost time. I have such a great envy for the hectic youth I never had.

English is not my native language, so apologies for any misunderstanding

[manuel_moe_g]

Oh, your story is heartbreaking

I hope you find joy and peace and accomplishment

Actually, your English is excellent

Please take care, wishing you all blessings and sending them over the internet wires

[troebia]

Hello friend, so much bitterness and regret can be sensed behind your words.

I've lived through loneliness and bad decisions as well, but now at an older age also realised that the past doesn't have to affect me more than I let it to. Accepting shit that happened, trying to live the moment and having tiny things to look forward to. Making peace with the fact that things may be good but never great.

I'm 100% sure that you could find a special person to love, but have in mind that with your life experience you are probably an old soul already and should not seek younger people. Maybe first try to get a wage that permits you to live independently or at least in a shared accommodation. Stimulate and expand your mind, think, read, discuss and discover. Have someone to vent with in real life. We are also here for you. Do not fall into the traps of material possessions or excessive beliefs.

What do you think?

[Ol’]

Oh, your story is heartbreaking

I hope you find joy and peace and accomplishment

Actually, your English is excellent

Please take care, wishing you all blessings and sending them over the internet wires

Thanks for your kind words. I really appreciate them.

[Ol’]

Hello friend, so much bitterness and regret can be sensed behind your words.

I've lived through loneliness and bad decisions as well, but now at an older age also realised that the past doesn't have to affect me more than I let it to. Accepting shit that happened, trying to live the moment and having tiny things to look forward to. Making peace with the fact that things may be good but never great.

I'm 100% sure that you could find a special person to love, but have in mind that with your life experience you are probably an old soul already and should not seek younger people. Maybe first try to get a wage that permits you to live independently or at least in a shared accommodation. Stimulate and expand your mind, think, read, discuss and discover. Have someone to vent with in real life. We are also here for you. Do not fall into the traps of material possessions or excessive beliefs.

What do you think?

Thanks for your advice. I actually try to keep myself up with exercise and intellectual activities. I like carpentry and the outdoors — one of the reasons I have not much ambition to move, as I live in a farm where I can do the things I like the most… I wasn’t actually looking for anyone when I found this “someone”, I try to like people regardless of their age or gender, but I see your point. I really appreciate you taking your time to answer me a personal message. Cool profile picture btw.

[troebia]

Carpentry is a great profession, and it's never too late to learn. Maybe you could do some apprenticeship near where you live? There will always be a need for skilled custom work doing kitchen cabinets and wardrobes, for example, and it gets you in touch with a lot of people which will improve your social abilities and your network.