Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you MM and all of you really. You all are beautiful people

[troebia]

mentally I’m fried

The image is getting clearer. I suppose that in your role you shoulder so much responsibility that it inevitably takes a toll emotionally. In the way you describe some things I recognise my wife, always practical, prioritising and soldiering on doggedly.

Female lions also come to mind, constantly looking out, always on the hunt while the male lions rest in the shade or just fuck around while there of course are better(?) things to do. There are always things to do and fires to put out. There is a middle ground somewhere where there can be comic relief, some space to breathe, a pastry and a bottle of sparkling wine, after which that answer in the stars comes to you. Nobody is indispensable or has to be on call 24/7.

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

It really hurts to read about all that you're dealing with these days.
People can be such shits.

I will guide patients and reassure them... I have a team of trades people waiting to pounce on the background to get the job done as fast as possible.

It's so good for them that you're there! Wishing you success.
I was part of a rapid work-related venue change in 2021, and it was such a drag.
Try to take a step at a time. I'm sure it feels overwhelming.

I have to remind myself I am here to do my duty of care. I trained for this, so suck it up.

Yes, that's quite admirable, and we need people like you, but self-care, self-care..... you need it.

Took a walk on the beach last night, sat on a log under the stars looking for something, I don’t know what.

Take as much time in solitude as you need. Having that option is a blessing.

And I'm so glad to hear that your health is stabilizing!

[Mental Fairy]

Panic attack today for the first time in ages. Bloody horrible

[Mental Fairy]

Have to keep reminding myself I’m not the only one going through divorce. It could’ve been worse

[Mental Fairy]

I feel like I’m losing grip of everything.

[manuel_moe_g]

I am sorry to hear you had a panic attack. Wishing you sweet peace and comfort. Please take care, Mental Fairy

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

Panic attacks are horrible.
Where were you, and how did you manage it?
Slow breathing helps, and focusing on something in the immediate physical environment helps, but sometimes not so much.

I've had one or two in the last several years, and asked my Dr. for a one-time half-dose prescription of benzos just in case.
Only had to use it once, thankfully...

[snoringdog]

I feel like I’m losing grip of everything.

No wonder.
Home life and work life are in tumult.

But you have it in you to get thru.
(You are actually an inspiration. Believe it )

But remember to ask for help too

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Peps.

Panic attack lasted about four hours. It came on gradually then it took over. The couple of days before it happened I moved my work computer into a different part of the surgery to get some peace as noice was starting to get to me to much. Plus picking up on other people’s energy’s was taking its toll.

I basically set my watch to breath mode and it slowly counted me down with slow breathing techniques that it has programmed into it. I ended up feeling tears forming in the back of my pep holes so immediately went to bathroom. This bathroom at work is interesting as it has no windows. When you go into it you basically feel discombobulated as there is little sense of direction. I call it the crap portal.

Once in the bathroom I looked into the mirror and gave myself a good talking too.
I was going to splash water on my face but that would mean the world would see me without make up at work. That my friends is not an option.

I text dear friend and immediately I got a text they were on their way. I prayed for my dad to just lift this pain a little. Soon after I felt two hands on my shoulders and a neck rub in progress. If there is one thing that will stop a panic attack it’s a neck and shoulder rub.

That night I was leaving work about 7:45pm. As it is daylight savings here it was slightly light outside, the night was approaching. Walking back to Donya’s car (we carpool) two ducks were sitting on the footpath. Immediately I thanked my dad and went home. I cried into my pillow for a magnitude of reasons. I’m grateful for my two closest friends Donya and Brad. I’m grateful for my skills, my son and you guys and gals on here.

Things on the divorce front have become more difficult and harder to navigate. Joe is wildly angry at me for calling it quits after 24 years. I couldn’t do it anymore. The feeling of being able to go out and not have to check in every five minutes is so freeing. Scary also. I still find myself having to justify things and not go to him and ask if it’s ok if I look at other houses. He won’t tell me what he’s doing yet I at times find myself missing the restrictions and torment. That makes no sense I know.

So, If all this wasn’t enough I had another fall walking from my car to the surgery last night. I have a busted nose, two black eyes and a massive bottom lip, that I much say looks rather impressive. I still wouldn’t get the fat out of my arse and put it into my lips though. However, now seeing my puffy lips I can see the attraction! Maybe I’ll bite into a cucumber later and look in the mirror while I do it! Hahahahahaha

Currently I’m sitting down the beach in the rain just to get out of the house. I make sure I spend as much time with myself as I do with my two friends. Life is not easy, nor is it fair.

Joe is off to the lawyers tomorrow to start the paperwork on divorce. In NZ we have to live apart for two years before we can file before a judge. It’s silly really. I assume Joe will leave for Australia for work and his behaviour has been noticed by his potentially new workplace and they have declined his application.

Matt and I have grown closer through all this. Matt did however have to go and pick his very drunk father up at 3am Sunday morning. He was absolutely trashed lying in the foreshore. Took ages to get Joe into the car. Matt took him to his van where he slept it off. Awkward moments are mainly at home while we both live in separate rooms. It’s all become very strange. Lots of door slamming on his behalf and lots of ‘are you ok?’ On my behalf.


Love to all