Troebia's Diary

[troebia]

In the new one, you look like an erudite soul about to perhaps impart a few wry comments, insights, and words of wisdom.

In that case I should change it ASAP. Problem is, I fell into a home improvement rabbit hole and don't have time to sketch right now. When I do, I'll be aiming for "portrait of a sixtyish bald man with a worried look, feeling as if the world is falling apart and not being able to keep up". In the meantime here's what an AI came up with:

download.jpeg (182.46 KiB) Viewed 1148 times

[troebia]

Update from the MIL frontline:
It's been four days of painting, redecorating and putting new furniture in the room adjacent to the living room. I installed a new antenna jack and electrical outlets in the room just on the other side of the wall where the outlets for the TV in the living room are. My wife found a wooden cupboard kit as a stand for the old TV on the homepage of a hardware mart in the city and we did the trip to fetch it, she varnished the pieces and I later put it together. I also had to move the radiator under the window about 40cm to one side, to make room for a nightstand beside the sofa where MIL is supposed to sleep now.

Yesterday afternoon MIL was on the sofa in her new room, and this morning I find her sleeping on the sofa in the living room again. Why am I not surprised? She tells my wife the cushions of the sofa in her room are "uncomfortable" in spite of having spent all summer saying how that sofa was so much more comfortable than the one she's been sleeping on. My wife has ripped open the cushions this morning, bless her, to try to calibrate the filling to be just right. I'm not at home today and before leaving I asked my wife to not turn on the new TV in the living room under any circumstance. MIL is fortunately unable to understand the new remote of that TV. The battle will continue...

[snoringdog]

Progress! Congratulations!
Steam radiator? That's a bit of a plumbing job, no?

About the AI "portrait", egads.
This stuff all looks the same... Mechanistic features, Weird glaze, etc. etc.

A couple of things come to mind-

• Years ago in the malls there were artists displaying hyper-realistic portraits which I think were over-paintings of slide projections. Novel at the time, but not appealing to me anyway.
  
  The treacly images on Jehovah's Witnesses tracts...

So, a question. Has AI portraiture crossed the Uncanny Valley? And if so, into what?

[troebia]

Progress! Congratulations!

Well, it's like two steps forward and one backwards. I'm of course expecting MIL to be extremely creative in inventing new obstacles to avoid giving up her all-seeing throne in the living room. It ain't over yet.

Steam radiator? That's a bit of a plumbing job, no?

It's electrical. Though even plumbing is rather trivial once you get the hang of it.

About the AI "portrait", egads.
This stuff all looks the same... Mechanistic features, Weird glaze, etc. etc.

Yes, I don't see human artists being replaced anytime soon.

[troebia]

Some news...wife has thankfully been inflexible with MIL regarding the living room situation. Her mother has increased the amount of groans, sighs, pitiful limping and even the occasional banging stuff around loudly in the kitchen which I interpret as frustration. But at the moment she has been coerced into sleeping in her "own" bedroom with her own TV. I still can't believe it.

On the other hand, a series of tiny adversities and mishaps in the grove and with faulty electronics/mechanical stuff has increased my depression. I would like to be able to bounce back as soon as something is "fixed", but my first thought is always "yes but until...". A free fall in motivation, sense of future, creative prospects. I've also had some very weird and unsettling episodes: for a few moments my mind will feel totally disconnected from my body and the surroundings, even time seems to not exist. Depersonalization? Brain rot?

The other day I was in a busy bazaar shop and the person tending the place was a woman my age. She was unpacking boxes while also working the cash register, and also people kept asking her things like "Do you have...." "Where is..." i imagined myself having to do something like that and realized my mind would explode in under half an hour. It was a bit like watching real life happening while I'm just going through the motions, barely holding it together while doing almost nothing.

[Mental Fairy]

The image AI produced for you needs a hug!

I can feel the frustration coming through your posts.

I am wondering if what you are feeling at times is dissociation related feelings. Something I am very familiar with myself under times of stress. It’s the way the brain goes when it needs to seperate the physical from the mental thought. You’re here, but your really not.

Food for thought.

Sometimes one can be in that state for a long long time. When you are forced to face the non dissociation state it’s beyond painful and we automatically go back to the state to preserve ourselves from the shit storm thats going on around us.

[troebia]

When you are forced to face the non dissociation state it’s beyond painful and we automatically go back to the state to preserve ourselves from the shit storm that's going on around us.

Of course...! This made me realise that my "safe" mental space is getting smaller and smaller, like a melting ice sheet. There are really very few moments now when I can truly drop my guard and do "my" stuff. There's always something that needs doing, fixing or managing, and the additional load of being observed and judged.

[manuel_moe_g]

“””

There's always something that needs doing, fixing or managing, and the additional load of being observed and judged.

“””

Aww crap, you deserve better, Troebia

Sending you strength for a better tomorrow

[Mental Fairy]

Just a passing thought. Could you set aside maybe a day or half a day a week to do your things that make your heart sing? Get away from the MIL vortex.

[troebia]

Could you set aside maybe a day or half a day a week to do your things that make your heart sing?

Yes, it's a good idea and I actually did get out last week, drove away just to paint. My head is in a million places though and I have difficulties concentrating. I sat with my watercolor travel stuff at a lonely picnic table near a river, quiet perfect spot, nice calm weather...but I was swimming mentally in a storm with waves crashing over me. I am not well, but after five different intents and thousands of € spent it's been proven that therapy doesn't work for me. Xanax will calm me but not cure me, same with alcohol. I am slowly giving up.

I envy people with an uncomplicated view on life, even though those may seem absurd to me. Sister-in-law who's my age works as a delivery driver and seems to thrive with stress, and she's also been practically broke for years with a heavy mortgage on her small flat in the city. Stress, tobacco, unhealthy diet, single...but she seems to be more together than I am.