Paul, about the topic of having children: (oh yes! Just what you want, unsolicited advice from a 20-something!)
There is definitely not a time where you're ever 'ready', nor is there a time where you won't have the possibility of fearing regret on becoming a parent. As a 28 year old with two kids, my decision making for this did not come close to being easy. I'm a musician, and was pretty much ready to tour the country when the question came up. Immediately I thought about myself, go figure.
"Yeah, but I won't get to go out and have fun, be free! What if it's too much for me? What I fuck up this kid(s) life because I'm too selfish and horrible at parenting, especially since I'm young and have my own issues?"
It was a hard decision for me to let go, open up, and decide to have the children. I'm not going to say it was a good or bad decision either! No way am I convincing anyone to have or not to have kids, that's you're own decision! I'll just tell you the positive parts. One is that it humbles me, makes me realize that there is a world outside, not just inside. I have others who depend on me, and I'm responsible for being a good person not just for myself but for others as well. I had to get over my phobia (which I still kinda have) of being a bad parent. "Will they think I was a horrible dad?" is a phrase that often heard inside my head throughout the day. It's more selfish than anything though, and it's telling that I'm focusing WAY too much on the future, and not enough on the present.
Also, the love a child gives you, if you let them, is worth more than all the stars in the sky.
Holy shit, it seriously makes my relationship with my wife difficult though! She can't cope with the concept of asking for help, so her anxiety goes off the wall all the time. She feels she's missing out in life, and I do a lot too. I can't sugarcoat it! We honestly don't have the means to save up enough money for full college tuition for either of the kids. (At least with our current financial situation) And also, as a social creature, it depresses me greatly that I have to sacrifice most of my time and miss out on tons of parties and hangouts with my other 20-something friends because the kids need to be taken care of.
So there you have it. I'm sure anyone else can add to this as well, though I hope you do read this Mr. Gilmartin and I'd love to hear your feedback. Also, great work on this podcast! Again thank you so much for it, because it's honestly the one I look forward to most every week. (keep in mind I pay for seasons of NNF)
