new relationship

[dare i say it]

i was contemplating calling the suicide hotline yesterday and i thought, "maybe it's not that severe yet."

It couldn't be any more severe unless you actually attempted suicide. This situation is not okay. This experience may be common for you, but it is not okay. That's not me shaming you. That's good advice coming from someone who has been down precisely the same path your on right now. If you don't know how to find professional help that you can afford, call the number. You live in a giant city. They will be able to guide you an actual professional in your area whose job it is to help people in your situation. This is way, way more than you should be trying to handle on your own. Don't disconnect from your friends. Don't disconnect from this forum. But do reach out to a real, actual professional. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for everyone in this forum who is rooting for you.

[dystopika]

called the suicide hotline this afternoon. the phone reception was not that great -- we kept getting separated by waves of static -- but the person was compassionate in hearing me out. she offered me several places to check out in the area with sliding scale payment options.

i'm trying. i'm failing and trying. i appreciate the encouragement here.

[dare i say it]

That's such good news. I'll be thinking of you. If you're anything like me, then nothing about reaching out for professional help is easy.

[next year]

i'm trying. i'm failing and trying. i appreciate the encouragement here.

Trying is good. Nothing wrong with failing either - it's part of trying.

I'm so glad you have reached out to us and to the hotline. Asking for help is so hard and takes a lot of courage. Hang in there.