Looking for a friendly word

[dayofabsence]

Today I feel terrible. I can't get anything done. I can't concentrate on anything. I've been scraping by doing the bare minimum for...ever. I don't want to go home tonight. I don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone ever again. I'm not suicidal, but right now this depression thing is kicking my ass. I know I should find counseling but I've never met one I liked let alone wanted to spill my guts to.

I'm just looking for a friendly word from anyone who feels like I do.

[terryb]

I often feel like you do right now. I've been through it so often it would seem to make sense that i'd have something useful to say. Yet I'm struggling. I'm trying to think of something someone said to me that helped, and it's hard, and I've gone through long periods of depression for several years. Maybe the most helpful thing I can say is I DO KNOW HOW YOU feel. You are not alone. And, if you just keep hanging on one day things will be better.

I also have had little luck finding a therapist that has been any help. I want to urge you though to keep looking for someone to talk to. For me, it's not a therapist but a someone I met about a year ago that has become a very good friend. She has had depression herself, and is just one of those rare souls you find yourself bonding with deeply and immediately. I've been lucky-she makes a difference when I'm feeling like you do. Keep looking for a connection. It may take a long time.

One day things will be better. Until then remember you are not alone. I wish I could help.

[dayofabsence]

terryb
Thanks for the reply. It's just nice to know someone read this and knows what it's like. Sometimes I feel like this island of depression in a sea of happy people. I know that it's not true, but the grey veil of depression twists things.

And I'm so glad you found someone to talk to. That's awesome. I hope you can help each other through the tough times. I'm glad you aren't roughing it alone.

Sadly I'm scared to reach out in the same way. The last time I did, the girl became very controlling and manipulative. Since I ended the friendship, I've had a really hard time making female friends. I feel like every girl I meet is just a grenade, waiting to go off and begin the cycle of codependency once more.

Anyway, thanks again for the encouragement and don't forget to be awesome.

[ihavechappedlips]

I get depressed when I'm alone. I'm starting to feel very very needy. I just don't have an outlet.

But yeah, long story short: You're not alone.

[dare i say it]

You are definitely, definitely, definitely not alone in how you feel. Depression and anxiety have been kicking my ass for so long it's not even funny. I suspect you already know this, but I can say from experience that isolating myself from people is the most reliable way to make my mental health worse. Over the last few months, I've been building myself back up. A big part of that has been admitting to myself that I need to connect to people in a healthy way. So I took a risk and reached out to people in this forum. That risk has been rewarded beyond all expectations. I reached out to a therapist. I now have several weeks of progress under my belt from those visits. I took a look at my relationships with my family and found ways to improve those. I called my one remaining friend who never let me push him away and said, "thank you for standing by me when I was at my worst."

I'm glad you're participating in this forum. It has been a wonderful stepping stone for me. I hope that you'll get just as much out of it as I have.

[ihavechappedlips]

Wow. That's really Awesome! (and yes, I capitalized the 'A' in Awesome)

[EliCash]

dayofabsence, I feel this way often. The best advice I can give is to try counselors/therapists until you find one you can feel comfortable with.

Also, and this is something I need to work on myself, when it feels like you never want to go home or talk to anyone again there is nothing better than going home or reaching out to somebody. I've found that the reason I avoid going home or opening up to someone because it enables me to deny/rationalize/ignore my problems. There is nothing more freeing than admitting those problems to yourself and others, it helps you realize that you won't feel shitty forever and that the way you're feeling stems from an issue with concrete, surmountable roots.

[dayofabsence]

Thanks to everyone whose replied to this thread. It's made me feel a lot better after another hard day of fighting off my depression. I did finally contact a counselor. I hope I won't have to try to many to find one I like. And just thanks again to everyone who posted here. Sincerely, it helps to read your comments.

[dare i say it]

Good luck. We're rooting for you! ...and keep posting in the forum if you get a chance!