cmugs-
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I can only imagine how it must feel to lose the "love" of someone because of HSV. But as cliched as this sounds, how much did this person really love you if an unfortunately common virus cause him to retreat like this? It's probably better you found out the strength of this man's love before you got too invested in him.
You should be proud of yourself for being strong and caring enough to open up to him about this. There are people who wouldn't, but you're not one of those people. You're better and you care. Take that for what it's worth.
I've yet to be in a situation where I'd have to disclose this--yet--but I've found AlbertFiennes' posts very comforting along with this great article I found recently: http://thehairpin.com/2012/04/the-perks-of-herpes
Yep. There are perks!
I just try to remind myself that this virus will help me weed out those less worthy of me. I didn't really hold myself to the highest standard before, but now I'm in a position where I can't just "give" my body to anyone who pays attention to me. So in a way, HSV protects me. And I know that in the future, whoever I end up with will be someone who accepts and respects me fully.
Good luck.
sexually transmitted infections...
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DrCatPantsPhd
- Posts: 10
- Joined: April 24th, 2013, 9:14 am
Re: sexually transmitted infections...
i actually have a happy update, a year later.
i eventually broke up with the boyfriend i was only sticking with because of my sti.
i've been dating someone since august. i didn't do the right thing this time, however, and waited until last week to disclose. i've been doing suppression therapy since my breakup and he was recently blood-tested as negative with no signs.
i had no clue how to handle this situation from the beginning. if i disclosed immediately, he might reject me out of fear and not really get to know me or give me a chance. i also live in a small city where i kind of know everyone and was scared of this secret being spread around. if i waited to sleep with him it would be suspicious, but sleeping with him before telling him meant i was knowingly exposing him to the sti. none of my best closest friends knew, even now, and i had noone to turn to for help or advice.
what i thought would be a fling turned out to be something more serious. we fell in love, spent the holidays together, met each others' parents. i suddenly felt so comfortable with this person, but the more i loved him the more unbearable my guilty secret was. it's hard to believe we were discussing living together and i was still worried about hiding my pills. he also works in the medical field, with medical records, so there was the looming fear he had access to mine.
two weeks ago, he said he found one of my pills in his room. i made up a few ridiculous explanations for how that could have happened, but i didn't want to disclose still because we were about to go home together for christmas and it would be too much for me/bad timing. however, a few nights ago (new years day) i got wasted at a party and couldn't take it anymore. at this party i saw the guy who rejected me last year, the guy i posted about, with his new girlfriend. he was distant as usual. how could this man know my secret, a man i have so little feelings for, and the man i love doesn't? he deserves it. and i was so tired of hiding and lying and having this barrier between us. and what if word spread and my boyfriend found out from someone else before me? the thought was too painful.
i texted him that i was coming over and had something important to tell him. just texting that meant i was committed to actually doing it and not chickening out this time. i cried on the way home and i cried as soon as i got there. i told him and collapsed on his chest in tears. he held me and said it was okay and he suspected it and it's not a big deal. i think he thought it was something worse, like i'd cheated. i suddenly loved and trusted him more than ever.
the next night (we were both tipsy) he even said that he felt closer to me now. that he was so glad i actually told because it meant i trusted him. i feel so lucky to have found such an amazing guy. here is someone that seemed "out of my league", that i didn't disclose to because i felt too insecure and scared. he turned out to be totally mature and compassionate, even admitting he could have had it before me and been asymptomatic.
anyway, that was totally sappy and long-winded. but i know how i felt last year and i know the feeling of hopelessness and loneliness. i remember feeling like total "damaged goods", like i had to settle for someone i didn't care about. having hsv means you definitely have to make some adjustments, and pay more attention to your body and health, but don't let the shitty ignorant people out there make you lose sight of the amazing ones..
i eventually broke up with the boyfriend i was only sticking with because of my sti.
i've been dating someone since august. i didn't do the right thing this time, however, and waited until last week to disclose. i've been doing suppression therapy since my breakup and he was recently blood-tested as negative with no signs.
i had no clue how to handle this situation from the beginning. if i disclosed immediately, he might reject me out of fear and not really get to know me or give me a chance. i also live in a small city where i kind of know everyone and was scared of this secret being spread around. if i waited to sleep with him it would be suspicious, but sleeping with him before telling him meant i was knowingly exposing him to the sti. none of my best closest friends knew, even now, and i had noone to turn to for help or advice.
what i thought would be a fling turned out to be something more serious. we fell in love, spent the holidays together, met each others' parents. i suddenly felt so comfortable with this person, but the more i loved him the more unbearable my guilty secret was. it's hard to believe we were discussing living together and i was still worried about hiding my pills. he also works in the medical field, with medical records, so there was the looming fear he had access to mine.
two weeks ago, he said he found one of my pills in his room. i made up a few ridiculous explanations for how that could have happened, but i didn't want to disclose still because we were about to go home together for christmas and it would be too much for me/bad timing. however, a few nights ago (new years day) i got wasted at a party and couldn't take it anymore. at this party i saw the guy who rejected me last year, the guy i posted about, with his new girlfriend. he was distant as usual. how could this man know my secret, a man i have so little feelings for, and the man i love doesn't? he deserves it. and i was so tired of hiding and lying and having this barrier between us. and what if word spread and my boyfriend found out from someone else before me? the thought was too painful.
i texted him that i was coming over and had something important to tell him. just texting that meant i was committed to actually doing it and not chickening out this time. i cried on the way home and i cried as soon as i got there. i told him and collapsed on his chest in tears. he held me and said it was okay and he suspected it and it's not a big deal. i think he thought it was something worse, like i'd cheated. i suddenly loved and trusted him more than ever.
the next night (we were both tipsy) he even said that he felt closer to me now. that he was so glad i actually told because it meant i trusted him. i feel so lucky to have found such an amazing guy. here is someone that seemed "out of my league", that i didn't disclose to because i felt too insecure and scared. he turned out to be totally mature and compassionate, even admitting he could have had it before me and been asymptomatic.
anyway, that was totally sappy and long-winded. but i know how i felt last year and i know the feeling of hopelessness and loneliness. i remember feeling like total "damaged goods", like i had to settle for someone i didn't care about. having hsv means you definitely have to make some adjustments, and pay more attention to your body and health, but don't let the shitty ignorant people out there make you lose sight of the amazing ones..
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Silentbutdeadly
- Posts: 5
- Joined: October 6th, 2015, 5:56 pm
- Gender: Male
- Issues: Acoa, emoti incest, sibling schizoph and suicide, divorce, hpv. In that order.
- preferred pronoun: He
Was feeling dead and deadly...with HPV !
I once had HPV and now it turns out it's the common cold of STI's. I want to thank all who added to this thread especially the person who said that he realized he was using it to beat himself up and once again complete the "I am a worthless shit" version of himself. I was doing the same thing with the realization that now I was single after 19 years of marriage but with an STI. I beat myself up, shamed myself with the thought I should have stayed despite a lot of tolerated loneliness and sadness. My conclusion suicidal was I am unmarketable. Now I realize I am not alone with my STI, positive singles website exists, and so much of the manufactured perfection I try to put out to the world was meant for my mom....and it's too late for that. It's ok not to be perfect. It's ok that within the first few dates and before sexual intimacy I will bring up that I once had what 99% of us will get once in our lives. People have to confess all sorts of shit all the time. I am even at the point now that I canceled my positivesingles.com account - I don't need that protection from that conversation any more - though I understand why some people do. The diagnosis just fit with my post divorce shame and reinforced the thoughts that kept me in an unloving marriage: that I am unlovable, I don't deserve love or a woman who sees me and loves me. Hope the same strength I now feel to all here.