Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Photo three

[Mental Fairy]

Happiest place on earth apparently

[Mental Fairy]

These make me feel so sad

[Mental Fairy]

These are honestly the only photos I have of me looking a smidge happy!!!!!!

[troebia]

Photos from one's childhood often feel so cringe, but show them to a stranger and they'll just see a child being a child. I don't "see" anything out of the ordinary, or should I? It all hits so close, so personal for the older person seeing themself as a child. When I see photos of myself at two or four years, my knee-jerk reaction is "oh f**k why didn't I get abandoned and adopted by another couple?". Somebody else would just shrug at a plain photo of a plain child.

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

I’m going to post them as I want to see what you all notice. What do you see?

No one in the pictures looks very happy, and they're stiff and posed, like "Our-first-day-of-Catholic-school-in our-uniforms". The one on the steps looks the most natural, but again...
(I know this "style" was fairly common before photography became so easy like it is now, but...)

And you're certainly not happy and do look withdrawn and focused on the pets (Understandable. I do that too). What were their names BTW?

Are any of the other pictures more spontaneous? And who was taking them?
Here, photographers typically exhort the subjects to "Say 'Cheese!'" or something similar, to get a smile or something..

[Mental Fairy]

Hi team

I have not one single photo of a smile. Not one. As a child I recall photos being taken when I was naked a lot. I’ve only come across two of those and can’t even look at them. Aged about 7 and 10.

My golden spaniel was known as Goldie. She was put down by my mother. She told me she had to go. Goldie was my protector during assaults. She would growl as he entered the bedroom or even attack if he came close to my bed at night to check if I was asleep. Once Goldie was gone I used to sleep under my mums desk in her room where you slide the chair under. Or I would sleep beside her bed on the floor. I would crawl in on hands and knees and slide under the bed if I could.

I never had to do this when I lived with my grandparents. I had some level of peace there. However all the trips in the world wouldn’t make me smile. I was so incredibly lost in confusion about where I belonged.

The other dog was called Angus. Black and white spaniel. There was another one called kippy who was part blind but adorable.

I have to learn to forgive, just not sure how to currently.

[troebia]

I have to learn to forgive, just not sure how to currently.

After all the sh*t i was put through by my family and also by bullies in school, forgiveness is never on my mind. With my mother it's complicated, since she was/is so ignorant about how she hurt me indirectly. I believe it's possible to process childhood trauma, maybe for me the way has always been to try to do better as an adult person and as a parent, without ever forgiving or forgetting since my life was changed by them.

[manuel_moe_g]

I want a 20’ tall Goldie to protect my good friend Mental Fairy

Everyone who ever hurt my good friend Mental Fairy gets a chomp chomp chomp, chomp off their stupid head

[troebia]

Everyone who ever hurt my good friend Mental Fairy gets a chomp chomp chomp, chomp off their stupid head

Word!