Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Drive home after laying in cage with her and lost the plot. Prayed and yelled and begged. Honestly feel absolutely destroyed. I’m grateful I came home at lunch. I’m grateful for vets and their amazing teams. I’m grateful for you all.
I know Manuel Moe you are also hurting and I know it’s just a cat but my heart brakes for you currently as we all can’t help in person. But we are still here as you are for us.
I’m grateful for you. So very grateful. This is what being human is. We are each other’s humans in times of need.

[oak]

Honestly feel absolutely destroyed.

(MentalFairy, sorry for not posting sooner.)

How are you? What's going on since you posted?

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Oak,
Entire family didn’t sleep well. Mazie our beloved fur child cat was found to be not breathing well yesterday. We have had days and days of intense storms so we can confirm she hasn’t been outside to eat something odd or cause the issue she has.
For some reason I came home yesterday at lunch time as I felt like a light snack after hospital rounds.
Got home and found her struggling to breath. Called emergency vet we use and took her in. I sat with her in the cage last night after they gave her medication to try get the swelling down in the throat. She was extremely swollen in the back of the throat. Large possible abscess in right side of throat. If I hadn’t of come home she would of died.
I honestly feel like the universe hates me. There is so much grief and heartache that I can take on.
She’s been my rescue cat and companion through of the events in last couple of years.

I know she is just a cat but I literally have no one left but my son and husband. There is no one left.
I have therapy tomorrow and fear this as I know this has knocked me. My runs have become less fluid and a struggle. Just slipping again and feel so beaten.
When I got in the car last night all I could do was yell into the ether and beg for what ever this is that’s got me in some horrible death grip to let me go and leave me be. I prayed, cried and screamed at nothing. My entire life up to this point has all been loss after loss.
It’s exhausting Oak. It’s so bloody hard. So unfair. I must of been a terrible person in a past life or something!!
So unfair. I don’t know what I have to learn from this but I can hand on heart say life is so cruel at times.

[oak]

She’s been my rescue cat and companion through of the events in last couple of years.

MentalFairy, thank you for sharing.

I am sorry for your loss. A true friend!

It is natural/expected to have your running become less fluid.

While I am not much of an example for anything, keep in mind that 56 minutes for 5K, which was my time yesterday, is a fine time. Perhaps slowing down a little will make your runs better. I encourage semi-brisk walking. Speed will find you again. For now it is okay, and probably indicated, to slow down.

Sometimes gifs and memes say how we feel. I offer this below, as I imagine what you feel like:

https://media.giphy.com/media/fxrsZafauHL9e/giphy.gif

[manuel_moe_g]

I am so sorry you are hurting, Mental Fairy. Life is cruel and meaning is in short supply. You are seen. Please take care and keep the lines of communication open.

[snoringdog]

We love our animals so much, and pour so much of ourselves into them.
And when we recall our life's moments, they're always entwined with theirs...

I'm glad you were there to help. I hope she recovers.

And there's no shame in screaming into the ether.
I've done it several times recently.
Sometimes it is all you can do.

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you team
I’ve just sat with her for two hours in cage. Son came down to see her and he’s was to big to fit in so we took turns.
I watched the vets and all their teams working away and was having a moment of gratitude for these people. I actually felt so overwhelmed with gratefulness as this morning I had a lengthy call with patient about her own medical situation.

Do you know what I realised ???

We are all so deeply effected by not only our loved ones and fur babies but also the strangers we meet everyday. Most never stop to reflect on the other person or how they might be feeling. But, when you do it’s profoundly moving.
Even though I have never meet any of you I feel like if I did then we were meant to be friends. We are like minded in many ways and all we want nothing but good outcomes. But that’s not always the way.
I can’t thank you all enough and I hope you all understand how precious this lifeline is to all in need of an outlet of understanding. My family doesn’t understand why I do things the way I do. I don’t understand why I unleashed an unfair wail in the car after the vet. But you all do.

Thank you

[Mental Fairy]

Back in therapy waiting room! Hope he’s prepared for this one! Going to be a doozie!

[oak]

I hope your therapy session went well. Keep us posted!

We are all so deeply effected by not only our loved ones and fur babies but also the strangers we meet everyday.

Word.

[rivergirl]

I'm so sorry about this latest painful situation with your beloved furry companion, Mental Fairy. It seems each new loss or even potential loss can bring all the previous losses back to crush the heart at times.

I completely understand. I still avoid driving by certain veterinary clinics because my grief over my cat still feels fresh even after quite a few years.

Sending many healing thoughts for your kitty and for you.

rg