Mind Body and Trauma

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Mental Fairy,

sorry this happened where you felt "Othered"

we wish people could hear our stories and take it in stride, it sucks where people hear our stories and they become completely dysregulated

please take care, wishing you the best in everything, you are describing challenges that you definitely don't deserve to endure

[oak]

please take care, wishing you the best in everything, you are describing challenges that you definitely don't deserve to endure

Word.

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

Wow. I read the review when you first posted the book title and figured it would take a real commitment to get through it...

Imagine a novel about abortion rights. Now imagine it is also a novel about addiction, euthanasia, autism, ageing, adoption, sexual assault, consent, math, primary school teaching and musical looping, set in Wellington during the Covid-19 pandemic. And imagine that it is not – as you could be forgiven for thinking from that description – too much but a powerful and elegantly structured excavation of intergenerational trauma. This is Sue Orr’s Loop Tracks.

https://www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/books/300330701/book-review-loop-tracks-by-sue-orr
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57958363-loop-tracks

Gets at profound and foundational questions that can be really uncomfortable to think about for very long -

Who and what are we?
What is the value of a life?
What is our relationship to others?
What are our obligations to each other?
etc

No wonder there were such diverse reactions.
Respect to you for sharing what you did (why else would the group choose to read and discuss?) And your coming to grips with issues so personal and gut-wrenching....

(On a slightly silly note, the song lyric "Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places" came to mind. There are always nay-sayers, and not everyone can appreciate our feelings and ideas at any specific time. A lot of this is a matter of just being out of sync. Upon later reflection, reactions change. Mine certainly do.)

On another note, I saw a story on ice baths-

https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/the-whole-truth/131986687/ice-baths-and-polar-plunges-do-the-mental-health-claims-stack-up

Haven't tried one myself, but it seems like they should certainly help break thru the heavy dull feeling that come with a depressive episode...

SD

[Mental Fairy]

Hello Team

it is 2 degrees this morning and it have never felt so good. This is the first morning in ages that i have felt this good. Joe has the flu but managing it by working through it!! Matt was stuck on the other side of the northern highway for 13 hours yesterday as they had to find an alternate route back to New Plymouth, both roads north and south were closed thanks to slips from the rain and the south was closed due to ambulance vs logging truck accident. He got home at 9pm last night with his eyes hanging out of his head with tiredness. Thankfully he has today off to recover.

I on the other hand got up, sat outside in my oddie and a nice brew, got my running kit on and went out to the beautiful crisp air. The air felt like razorblade's hitting my eyeballs at first but once i warmed up i mentally felt free. My mind slowed down, i breathed in a beautiful rhythm and processed my week. Yes, SD the book was rather interesting to say the least. The discussion got rather heated, upsetting for some and cathartic for myself. I don't feel the same intense emotions boil up when i talk about what i have seen, done, experienced or been subjected too. I felt very outcast sitting in that group however, i think because i held my composure. I felt weird in a way. The lady to my right is a very experienced english teacher and her hand touched my shoulder on more than one occasion. I found anger started to take over when i felt some for a pity coming from her. I have learnt i am going to be so much stronger in the years to come, however right now i am grateful the emotions are not as intense as they used to be. I am aware others have gone through so much worse than i.

The next book is a New Zealand book also, Wild At heart by Miriam Lancewood. A book i think you SD would enjoy greatly. I have also dug into a book called Outrunning The Demons by Phil Hewitt. It is about why people with trauma run and what it does to the brain. I have got into the first story and i relate in so many ways i found myself shedding a tear due to the level of understanding i feel. The power of addiction, the power of the stride and what my brain does pre, during, and post run. It confirmed to me that the self talk prior to a run for me is normal. That i am not alone on the hideous put downs i give myself. I am slowly learning to clear the mind of this in a form of meditation before a jog. I have to somehow try reverse some thought patterns.

I will be spending the next two weeks however taking you all on a tour. I have set daily trips out around the region to introduce you to my favourite places. Again this might sound crazy but i have very little friends and to have this forum and yourselves makes me so much more richer in spirit. You all lift me up in ways others are unable.
So strap yourselves in as your all about to tag along with me on my two week break, i will do a two week diary with photos and explanations to the places i take you all. It all starts tomorrow. Pop some popcorn, lay back and enjoy the sights of my town. It is such a shame i can't send videos. If you want me to email you videos of the places i go flick me an email and will send you some. I will bring my region to your region. Will even try catch some bird life for you!

You all give me hope

[oak]

I will be spending the next two weeks however taking you all on a tour. I have set daily trips out around the region to introduce you to my favourite places.

Please do, Mental Fairy. I'll look forward to it.

[Mental Fairy]

I’ve just realised this forum is my social media! I have zero social media, I don’t even know what the platforms are and what they do!
I do have Goodreads but that’s it! Matt tried getting me on Facebook thing but big fat no from me. It’s been hard enough not looking at the news.

You will be pleased to hear SD my inner child come out for a bit today. Got home and Leo the neighbours cat greeted me in the driveway, I got sorted and put on some old clothes and laid on the lawn with her crawling all over me. I saw her owners laughing at me through the window, they are actually lovely people. We played, chased leaves and ran in and out of the trees. It was precious as she is a very very old cat. 1/4 the size of Mazie. In the end I made a big pile of autumn leaves and sat in it with her. Not done that in a while, if at all.

Well better get making my satay dinner for the boys. Sun is going down, the ski field is soon to be open. Snow is here.

https://www.skitaranaki.co.nz/webcamhistory?cameraNumber=2

https://taranakialpineclub.co.nz/webcams/

[snoringdog]

You will be pleased to hear SD my inner child come out for a bit today.

That’s great to hear. We all need that – putting the damn “Protestant Work Ethic” away for a while

I’ve just realized this forum is my social media! I have zero social media, I don’t even know what the platforms are and what they do!
I do have Goodreads but that’s it! Matt tried getting me on Facebook thing but big fat no from me.

Social media never appealed to me much, there’s too much “Me Me Me, and it can be such an unfocused time suck. It can also be an emotional drain and can affect one's self image. (Lots written on this, especially as it applies to adolescents).

Sites like GoodReads and reputable news sites’ comments sections are good when users take the time to compose thoughtful and intelligent posts, as opposed to all the provocative “Drive by” stuff you always see.

The next book is a New Zealand book also, Wild At heart by Miriam Lancewood. A book i think you SD would enjoy greatly.

I read the blurb, and it sounds interesting, but honestly, my first reaction was

“What?! How can they do that?!
Just run off and have an adventure?!
How irresponsible!
What about (this that and the other thing)?!

(See “Protestant Work Ethic” above )

[Mental Fairy]

Our very expensive stick that’s been blown to bits twice thanks to west coast winds.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team

popped into work to clear messages and sort out some results and will take myself home, climb onto my bike and go for a peddle. Yesterday i accomplished a 38km ride to watch the sun come up up the coastal foreshore. Was worth the slog up and down the hills. Each day for the next two weeks i have something planned regardless of the weather.

For some reason the nightmares made themselves known again last night. I have had some really good nights where i can handle the mixed bag of emotions my slumber brings but last night was very disturbing.

I have noted one thing that intrigues me and that is the ice plunges i do in the morning. Currently i am able to shut down the mental fight of getting in and just seperate myself from the pain in the first 30 seconds of shock. I am wondering if that is the same disconnection i can manage with tough cases at work when a patient passes or we deliver bad news. There is this mental wall that gets built and i don't allow myself to fall to bits until after work or when the need to release arises.

There is a case currently that is starting to get to myself and my boss. Young girl in the final days of life, she is in her mid 30s. We have done all we can and she is now in the hands of the hospice team so we don't get the updates like we used too. We just read reports that come through to get added to her file until she passes. It is difficult reading to say the least. When i see her name on the top of the reports i now have to look away. It is to hard to take on the sentences, i am aware they are pumping her full of steroids to try get the body to make it the two weeks she needs to see her kids in a play. I question the medical system at times, she is suffering in such a bad way i can't bring myself to type.

Well team, i better sort these report and e-mails and get back on my bike.

Hugs

[oak]

i am aware they are pumping her full of fishnuts to try get the body to make it the two weeks she needs to see her kids in a play.

That is heartbreaking. I hope she makes it.

In the meantime, I hope you continue to challenge and support yourself, Mental Fairy! Well done with the ice baths; I hope they bring healing.