I feel like nobody understands my way of thjnking.......

[SAC10]

I'm 31 years old and have pretty much had depression my whole life cause mine is genetic. I got actually diagnosed when I was 24. My husband and I fight sometimes cause he thinks I overreact or make things up in my head. Sometimes I wonder if maybe my thinking is wrong but this is how I've always been. I'm super sensitive and have anger issues. I tend to get super mad and then I can't even remember why I was mad 205 in later but it seems so blow up in my mind. Is my brain tricking me or am I always really wrong??? I would like to feel like a good person but I feel like my depression is my side car that throws me off course once in awhile.......does this make any sense???

[DownInKokomo]

You totally make sense, when my mental illness began surfacing it was hard for my husband to cope with as well. My husband came with me to a few of my therapist sessions and they were able to explain it to him in a way that made him understands that there is so much more to my little freak outs. And that a lot of the time it is not directed at him, but the negative feelings or thoughts that pop up when I am put in a triggering situation. There is so many layers to anger and it is something I am beginning to explore in therapy. My therapist asked me a question that I had no answer too, "can you remember a time that you were able to cope with your anger in a healthy, positive way?" I had no answer! It is so easy to label that intense burning as ONLY anger and throw it at anyone or anything that triggers us, but there are millions of feelings that associate with anger that need to be looked at and worked on as well.

I don't think you are a bad person at all, I know this because you sound just like me and I would constantly over react, flip out, and than feel intense shame and constantly label myself a "bad person." I am not out of the woods yet with my anger problems, but I'm understanding now that anger is not just anger, it's the barrel that holds isolation, shame, pain, fear.. You are more than your anger. It is so easy to let go and let it control, but with help from a good therapist, I know you will be able to come thru the other side one day.