Social Anxiety

[Bobo Daggit]

Hey everyone, it's been quite a while since I've been on here but lately I've been really trying to reach back out to resources as best I can again.

So lately I have really noticed a significant uptick in what I guess I can only describe as some kind of social anxiety. It gets to the point now where at times when I am in social settings (even with just one person), I get so overwhelmed and self-conscious of every action and word that the time spent with that person becomes totally unrewarding for me. Granted, right now my social circle isn't exactly booming; I go to a game night every week and then spend a little time occasionally with one friend, but otherwise I spend more time with my family than anyone else (which can be just as anxiety provoking). Honestly, it feels like I am in a fog that prevents me from being totally present with people, where my brain is on slow and my reactions feel stilted. I have no idea exactly how I am presenting to others but inwardly I feel awful. I feel consistently uncomfortable with others and often have to work very hard to not perseverate for hours after even a short social interaction.
A lot of times I get home from spending time with someone and all I want to do is go to sleep. For example, today I spent about two hours helping this one friend of mine repair his fence (tasks help me stay engaged with relationships so I was glad he suggested this), but consistently felt like I was at a loss for words, which made me very uncomfortable. I couldn't quite wrap my head around things and felt extremely slow mentally and conversationally, it was like whatever eloquence I had just vanished.
I know I am doing the right things by continuing to get out there and spend time with people, despite how uncomfortable it is. But now there feels like there's not even any payoff after I get home. I feel worse because all I can do is work to avoid feeling frustrated about my fogginess and lonelier than before.
Right now, I honestly just need to know that this isn't just me. I feel really alone and disconnected in most aspects of my life currently and it brings me a lot of pain. Also, if anyone has any tips or tricks they use for social anxiety at all I am very open to them.

Thanks

Ben

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Bobo Daggit,

I'm sorry you are in so much pain.

I have issues with social anxiety, and I have tried many things for it.

I recommend "How to Win Friends and Influence People" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Wi ... nce_People

It has helped me with practical advice.

The other thing that helped me was doing Toastmasters https://www.toastmasters.org/

It was good for intensive social practice in a controlled situation.

A lot of times I get home from spending time with someone and all I want to do is go to sleep.

This still happens to me.

What do you think? Let me know, thinking of you and wishing you some relief from your pain. All the best.

[oak]

Ben, good to hear from you.

Thanks for posting. Well said.

My old sponsor used to say:

“Normal is a setting on a washing machine.”

That being said, you are normal.

You are definitely not alone.

[Heatherwantspeace]

Ben, this is absolutely not just you! On my best days I don't even think about what I said. On my worst, I cringe as I replay some small thing I said that I perceived the other person didn't like.
Sometimes I'll overhear 2 extroverts talking and having the time of their life and it goes something like this "I like lemons!" "Me too! The peel smells so good" "We had lemon cake at my parent's anniversary party" and I have to chuckle and it's a great reminder that we can really say any dumb thing and that's okay.
Heather

[Bobo Daggit]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I have had suggestions for trying toastmasters before but I am pretty unsure about it. Not sure if it’s really my thing or not. The thing is, I feel like I used to have a much richer social life, but lately it’s just been a much more solitary existence which in itself is probably making things harder. I’ve found that I do best with people I have the opportunity to see on a consistent basis.
It’s tough feeling this disconnected from close relationships with others.
My psychiatrist has recently suggested that some of my lack of focus could be traits of adhd, a weird thought for me since I’ve never shown overt signs of hyperactivity, but I do have an extremely overactive mind that tends to race. I guess social anxiety can be compounded by those traits.