Hey! No problems here, move along...

[janitortaco]

Well, here goes. I am 27, and have recently come to the conclusion that i have been depressed for essentially my whole life. I have never been able to maintain friendships or relationships, and spent most of my life blaming it on the other party. Clearly they were not cool enough to be hanging out with me. I have flunked out of college twice, never had a job i liked, and never had a girlfriend for longer than 3 months. I have blamed everything from my parents, god, school, society, and the people around me for my problems and only recently have I begun to accept that it is and always has been me. The old common denominator problem, if you will.

3 years ago I moved from the midwest (Fargo, actually) out to the northwest, once again assuming it was the shitty small town people that were bringing me down, when it was clearly my own problems that were causing my depression. I am currently working a graveyard shift as a janitor and it is crushing my soul. I have literally zero friends so far out here, and every time I go out to try and meet people I paralyze myself with fears and insecurities until i go home and sit on my couch and pretend that is what I wanted to do anyway. I am an expert in isolating myself, and can at any point generate an exhaustive list of reasons as to why it is okay to sit around my house again.

I feel as though Paul and his podcast has been a great help to me, just to hear another human being speak honestly about his fears and self loathing, as my friends and family back home are definitely in the midwest psyche of "we don't speak about bad stuff here". My whole family is depressed and we have never spoken about it. It's just understood as a way of life I guess.

I just want to thank Paul so much. Your podcast has made me cry, which does not happen to us megamen of the midwest. Please keep going man. You are helping so many of us out here in desolation row.

[next year]

Welcome janitortaco

I'm glad you found the podcast and that it's helping you deal with the rough stuff. Hang in there.

[Paul Gilmartin]

Janitortaco,
Sorry to hear you're going through such pain and isolation. I'm sure by know, you're realizing how many people feel the same way. Thank you for your survey response, I don't know if you're aware that I read part of it on an episode. So thanks. Don't give up on reaching out for help. Its out there. We can't do this alone.

Paul