Deservedly Depressed

[Eternally Learning]

I'm a regular listener of the Best of the Left podcast, which is how I found the Jimmy Dore Show, and the first full episode I'd ever listened to of the Jimmy Dore Show you slipped in your first plug for this podcast. So far, I've only listened to the first episode, but I can tell I'll be a regular!

A little bit about me, I've had depression for most of my life, even though I didn't realize it. I remember doing really well in school up through like 3rd grade, but after that I steadily declined. By the time middle school rolled around, I don't remember feeling depressed all the time (though I'd fantasized about suicide since I was at least 11), but I definitely had a lack of drive/will to do the things I needed or even wanted to. I didn't shower very much, sometimes I wouldn't even brush my teeth. I usually just drifted through the school day with minimal effort and barely ever did my homework. I did play a lot of video games though, but often times I wouldn't finish those either. Usually, I'd only have one or two friends at a time and I'd almost obsessively spend time with them.

Now that I'm older, married, and have two children I should be feeling better about myself, but I don't. My lack of drive/will to do the things I need or want to do has seriously comprimised the stability of all our lives to the point where I got fired from my job for essentially not doing it, and though I have a new one, I don't make enough to cover our apartment cost and medical costs. Now, we live with my in-laws and I'm afraid that even our best-laid plans to get out of there will not overcome the horrible credit I've earned by not paying bills I could have... Oh, I'm also teetering on the edge of losing my new job too.

I found a pro bono counselling group which hooked me up with a therapist whom I've seen a few times. She's recommended I see a psychiatrist, but I'm worried about the bills, especially when it comes to the medication they'll inevitably prescribe. I want to be able to hope that taking these pills will balance me out enough to fix up my life, but at the same time I feel like nothing I do will make this better and that I'm just destined to end up losing my job, my wife, and my kids.

That being said, I'll also say that I'm a generally nice guy (though I too have boundary issues like Paul and Janet described) and like to always find the humor in any situation. I question everything (which is how I became a non-theist), but always try to keep an open mind with new ideas or concepts which clash with my own beliefs. I'm also, as you may have been able to glean, a tad verbose so I'll just wrap it here and say that I'm looking forward to listening to the show.

[Artmart]

Welcome E. L., glad to have you aboard!

[Eternally Learning]

Thanks artmart!

[Napping Champion]

Deservedly,
You don't deserve to be depressed. You just happen to be depressed. None of this is because you deserve it. It's a challenge for sure, but if you keep asking for help and seek solutions and stay out of self-pity you WILL get better. Don't lose hope. We've all been there. Welcome.

Napping Champion

[Eternally Learning]

Deservedly,
You don't deserve to be depressed. You just happen to be depressed. None of this is because you deserve it. It's a challenge for sure, but if you keep asking for help and seek solutions and stay out of self-pity you WILL get better. Don't lose hope. We've all been there. Welcome.

Napping Champion

I guess I don't mean it as if my depression is some sort of punishment, only that it's reasonable considering my circumstances. It's not like others where their life is going pretty well, and the depression clearly isn't a reasonable reaction to things in their life. Thanks all the same though, and I agree with you that self-pity won't help me. I'm trying to improve my view of myself, and trying to improve my life as well. Hopefully it all works out...