First Post

[slothrop]

Hello everyone. I'm a late 20's guy who lived for several years with depression and didn't know what was going on. I was actually reading a book that described me perfectly and what I was going through before I suspected. It was Infinite Jest, still my favorite book. I was raised in a lower middle class household with loving parents. They pushed me pretty hard with grades and stuff, but never were otherwise abusive. My mother was and is very much a perfectionist who instilled a necessity to please others in me. My dad is quite the opposite and was always the calming shores to go to. I love them both very much and they are both, however, very supportive to me and did not push my grades or career or anything after high school.

I went into the depression after moving abroad and had to seek therapy. It makes me feel ashamed because my wife (girlfriend at the time) who stuck with me through the whole thing had much worse things happen to her when she was younger, yet she is fine. I scarred our relationship by being irrational, enraged, and confused. She still feels nervous to be around me sometimes, especially in situations where I used to get angry. These are when we're shopping, or with her friends and I can't understand what they are saying. This is what hurts me the most, the damage I have done. I went to therapy and stopped when we returned to the US for a short while. I also was on medications that I have stopped taking and have no problems with, I have been assured by prescribing doctor/therapist. (I'm scared of self-diagnosis and treatment)

I love the show and just think it is good to talk about some things with people who can understand better than my friends. I am not an outgoing person and feel very vulnerable without friends to open up to here. I have friends in the US, but I can't see them personally unless I visit. Thank you for the show Paul.

[manuel_moe_g]

Welcome to the forum, slothrop!

It makes me feel ashamed because my wife (girlfriend at the time) who stuck with me through the whole thing had much worse things happen to her when she was younger, yet she is fine.

Yeah, on the board you will find a lot of people posting about this. Please don't be hard on yourself.

All the best, take care, we here are all cheering for your very greatest today and tomorrow!

[Paul Gilmartin]

Slothrop,

Welcome to the forum! I know the trepidation in feeling vulnerable. And I TOTALLY relate to the part about feeling guilty about the way we treat our girlfriend/wife. There are still situations where my wife will get uptight because the old me is so fresh in her mind. We are a handful. But we are also sensitive and when we learn how to live with that sensitivity, it improves the quality of our life. But man is it hard sometimes. My feelings get hurt at the drop of a hat.

We're glad you're here. I hope you find it to be as safe as I do.

Paul