Anxiety and PTSD triggers (TW: abuse,etc)

[reddelicious]

I've cleaned up the house, drank a ton of sleepytime tea, found an outfit for tomorrow, lit candles, smoked a bunch and made biscuits with honey. Very little is soothing me right now. I want my friends to come over and have a big nap pile with me. I want a hug but am scared of people touching me. Today was bad. B/c of my job I am around military people all day. Two men came in today wearing what resembled Army Ranger uniforms. I lost my shit and hid in the bathroom and until I somewhat got myself together. Turns out these guys were from the Dept of Corrections. Still that burgundy cap and green bdu's made me want to peel my skin off. All I could smell was my dad. Marlboro reds and Old Spice.

I hate this. Thanks for listening.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello, reddelicious, glad to know you are journaling your challenges in our little forum. We here are all cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!

Glad to read you did loving, soothing things for yourself: the tea, the biscuits with honey. Sorry to hear you had a trigger. Please be loving to yourself, soothing in the short term and fostering accomplishment in the long term. I know it is a juggling act. Please take care!

[B-annie]

Any chance you would be willing to try EMDR?

[reddelicious]

I have been working on EMDR with my therapist. I am in a huge shift as far as coping mechanisms. For most of my life they were based in anger. Now that I am letting myself deal with the shame and vulnerability I am very unsure of my responses because my triggers seems so unpredictable now.