not sure what to do...

[aviolistw]

Hi everyone,

Ive been a long-time fan of the podcast and have been feeling pretty terrible lately. There really isn't anyone I feel I can talk to. I was in therapy but had to leave my therapist for financial reasons. I still owe him a shit ton of money.

I'm 24, I'm a full time college student and I work 2 jobs, both with an hour commute. Lately the stress is just too much. My money situation is terrible, I don't have any friends because I work with children and the people in my classes at school are 18 and 19 and live in the dorms, and my relationship is suffering because of my depression. Ive lived wig my boyfriend for almost two years now, and he just doesn't understand.

He doesn't understand that my sex drive is NONEXISTENT. Its not that I don't want sex with him, its that I don't want to have sex. He doesn't understand that I don't want to be constantly groped and tickled, especially when I get home after a 14 hour day. He doesn't understand that sometimes I need to be alone. But most of all he doesn't understand that sometimes I want to give up and let myself have a nervous breakdown so I have an excuse to avoid my responsibilities. I cant talk to him about how I'm feeling, the last time I tried he told me that I need to "make the decision to not be depressed anymore". I'm just not sure what to do.

Anyways, even if no one sees this I feel better having talked about this. If you are still reading this, I'm sorry if ok not making sense, I swear I'm smarter than I sound, I'm just...burnt out.

Aviolistw

P.s. I'm writing this from my kindle and I cant get rid of the bottom text...fucker wont let me.



to give up on everything and have the nervous breakdown that has been waiting to burst for quite some

[Fredbo]

Hello Aviolistw,
Yeah sex drive is definitely an issue with many people in our situations. Throw meds into the mix and that really messes it up. I don't know what your relationship with your boyfriend is like but perhaps it is time to move on (too drastic maybe?). But the stress of a dysfunctional relationship is worse than not having one. And I know exactly how you feel when someone thinks you can "decide" not to depressed or anxious. You are certainly not alone... There are a bunch of us here that are pulling for each other. I hope you can find a modicum of peace of mind!

-Fredbo

[Livian82]

hi aviolistw

I totally get where you're coming from I was in the same place last night, just didn't know what to do. I tried calling a lifeline here and my GP neither of whom were terribly helpful. It's really awful you couldn't stay in therapy there really needs to be better free services for people who just need some fricken advice.

With you on the no sex thing. I'm struggling to even THINK about sex much less do it, and I've been off meds for a while, so I can't blame those anymore. Getting me even remotely in the mood is pointless since it's over for me within less than a minute anyway and not very intense either. Lucky for me my boyfriend seems to have gotten past this and doesn't get on my case as much about it. Same as you it's not that I don't want sex with him it's just I don't want it with anyone at all. I'm sorry your boyfriend doesn't seem to understand but a lot of people really don't, they honestly think it's a choice to be depressed or happy. Really if it were that easy wouldn't depression be non-existent?

Does he work? doesn't seem fair you're working two jobs but I know things are hard over there at the moment. I couldn't go through uni again for anything it's so hard and I find one full time job hard enough to deal with as it is.

Hang in there, hon. Don't forget someone's always here lurking around

[Cheldoll]

I wish I could tell you what you should do to make things better. I wish I could fix your money situation and have you get back into therapy. I wish I could make your boyfriend understand what you're going through. I can read your posts though... so if you need to get anything else out, please make good use of the forum whenever you need.