Hello community - need support from people who understand .

[Moses]

Hello everyone,
Am I the only one who has had a diagnosis vary from provider to provider, as well as over the years? I've been trying to find answers for 30+ years, and just in the last month, the psychiatric community has decided on bipolar, not post traumatic stress disorder, abuse or anxiety. It befuddles my mind of how one person's diagnosis can vary depending on the year and the person doing the diagnosing. I guess the proof will be whether whatever newfangled way they have of treating this bipolar (or old-fangled way) actually works. I would like to believe there is something that will help me stabilize my moods long enough to function in the public for 8 hours a day without going bat-crazy on someone (such as in a JOB), but again, proof. I work from home, so the latter issue is much more tolerated than would be in a physical presence job. Although it does not make me feel good about myself being so wish-washy, late all the time, not paying attention, etc., etc. I shake my head and wonder what the heck happened over the years. Rushing into things headlong, banging my head against too many walls with no plastic helmet probably has caused some brain damage (tongue-in-cheek). I am a little bit sarcastic, yes. My viewpoints on our society are somewhat - hmmm - how to put this politically correct? Lets just say I question "normal" people. Whatever that means . . . At age 50 I have learned that normal is only relative to whatever society understands as normal, which kind of leaves that particular state open for interpretation at any time as our world population's UNDERSTANDING AND AWARENESS open. . . .

I have two disabled adult children - both on the autism spectrum. While I honor my children, I again wonder about our society's ways on trying to understand the brain. Will my kids diagnosis change in another 5 or 10 or 20 years when society finds out that perhaps my kids are more normal than "normal" people? Sigh . . . when I get it all figured out, I will let you know . . .I'm pretty sure my thinking would be classified as antisocial. . .

I work in the healthcare field and I have a bachelor's degree (why at age 50 I felt I needed one is beyond me, especially when the general consensus of the State of Michigan (and the general Employer Population) is that after age 50, you can go crawl under a tree and rot). Add that to the fact that I live in a small urban area that hasn't evolved its attitudes in centuries, and the fact that I don't tend to play well with others, I'm almost positive my ability to get hired is just a bit skewed. After being told what to do in my formative years, I finally am able to question everything, much to the chagrin of those involved in my care. I suggest to those who are still waiting to be told what to do, to question what someone is telling them and whether it is the right thing for them. One of my bylaws of the World According to Me is that "If it feels uncomfortable or not "right," it probably isn't. Listen to that. I wish I had when I had some psycho psychiatrist that liked to play games with my head. Who, I might add, was run out of town by our medical community because of his questionable ethical conduct, so it wasn't just me. A hard lesson learned. It is hard sometimes for me to determine who is out to help and who is out for themselves. I get caught in the cross-fire sometimes. . .Ah, the wisdom to know the difference. . .

What drove me here was the fact that I feel like no one really can understand my issues except those who have walked a mile in the shoes of bipolar, anxiety, PTSD, BMDD etc., etc., etc. All of these psychiatrists and mental health experts may have all the schooling, certificates and proper credentials after their name, but they definitely cannot understand from that unique perspective of actually having lived these states of being they call "mental illness."

If someone asked me what my goals were for today were, I would say "to keep on breathing." It is about all I can handle some days. So if you too have had days like that, consider yourself in good company, as will I. Look forward to hearing from everyone . . . -D

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Moses, you paint a picture of all the challenges you are going through, and you have a great deal on your plate. Diagnoses changing from provider to provider is just the nature of the beast, I suppose, when it comes to mental illness. Sometimes I think keeping it simple and focusing on depression and anxiety and not trying to get into the nitty-gritty details is the best way. Please take care, all the best, please keep us informed on your progress with all your challenges.

[bigeekgirl]

Nice to meet you.

It seems to me "diagnosis" in mental health is more about having ways to talk about your personal experience than it is about a definitive definition of the "problem" as it is in physical health. If I'm diagnosed as having diabetes or a tumor, the diagnosis allows for for a specific course of action which will lead to predictable results. Brains aren't so predictable. Also, unlike body medicine, with mental health, the patient is free - in my opinion - to disagree with the diagnosis. In some ways, in treatment we are seeking conformation or naming of what is already going on inside ourselves. I think your statement ' "If it feels uncomfortable or not "right," it probably isn't' sums up pretty nicely how I think about the labels I allow to be placed on my "issues."

I hope to see you around the forum.