Embracing the Inner Child

[Amanda May]

I just ended a short but intense relationship 4 days ago. It was tumultuous and passionate and oh so co-dependent. Anyway, I have been really trying to dig in and figure out what needs were not met in childhood that keep leading me to these relationships that are unrewarding. The night we broke up I had the following dream:

I was in a living room. It was clear from clutter, just a couch and a cute little toddler girl playing on the floor with toys on a blanket. She was wearing a black "onesie" with white stripes. I picked her up and noticed I had the same black and white pattern on my shirt and I hugged her. I said, "You want to give me some hugs and snuggles? You're so sweet. I want to hug you so tight!" She was so happy and sweet and hugged me tight around my neck and around my middle with her little legs. In the dream it felt like we melded into one.

During the middle of the hug I looked over an older man (who I called "Grandpa") in the doorway naked from waist down with his penis just sticking right out there. He said he wanted a hug, too, and came in to hug me and the little girl. He kept trying to rub his penis on the little girl's feet. I told him to stop it! Stop! And I pulled away and took the little girl away.

I get it that little girl is me and I am giving her the love and affection that I probably missed in the dysfunction of my childhood having alcoholic parents, divorce, and irregular stability. I just don't get the old man. I don't have any clear memory of anything sexually inappropriate but I do have a feeling that something weird may have happened when I was visiting my dad's house and at a camping trip/retreat with his AA friends. He was in and out of the group as I was growing up. I spent a lot of time at meetings with him when I was young.

Any insights?

This is my first time posting to the forum and I am interested in what others have to say.

[manuel_moe_g]

I am doing EMDR therapy. One thing you might try is imagining going a few days back in time from that scenario with "grandpa" and have him locked up for good, so you make a new "timeline" where the little girl never gets violated. It is a way to be a loving parent to yourself, and to write a new history where you are more capable today because you were loved and protected in the right way in your new vibrant history. Just a suggestion.

Please take care, all the best, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!