My intro - for your consideration

[NotMeNotYou]

I've been listening to the podcast for about a year, and is definitely the highlight of my week.

I'm a middle aged man who is single and has no kids. I've never been diagnosed with any particular illness, but I definitely suffer from depression and low self-esteem. I sometimes wonder if I'm bipolar, or the 'highs' a manic state or just what I'd be like if I was well-adjusted?

One of my patterns is I will reach out to people, and inevitably, I suddenly feel they look down at me and find me pathetic. I've paid for classes, then just stopped going. I've had people call me and I don't return their call, ever. Then a few weeks later I feel sad I'm so isolated.

I think of myself having a chorus of voices in my head, and sometimes they overwrite what other people are saying. I can't trust my own perceptions of other people.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello, NotMeNotYou, welcome to our little forum! I hope you feel safe to open up here. We here are cheering for you, and for your greatest today and tomorrow. Please take care.

[opal.emerald]

I know that feeling. I can relate to how you feel entirely, and have almost dropped out of college for similar issues. I always think people see me as the worst version of myself. Please know that you are not that person. If you ever need to talk, know I am here for you. I hope you find common ground with some here, this seems to be a pretty open place full of compassionate understanding people.

[judasiscariotjr]

I've had people call me and I don't return their call, ever. Then a few weeks later I feel sad I'm so isolated.

I sure know that feeling. Each time my phone rings I jump out of my skin. Why do I even own the damn thing if I can't even talk to my friends on it? Texting is a blessing AND a curse. I can text people but it really does make for a crutch.

[guybrarian]

Social anxiety may be a factor here as well, NotMeNotYou. As for the chorus in your head, I think a lot of us here have those. I'm going back into therapy to deal with mine since it decided to make a reappearance after a long absence. And I'm a middle-aged guy too, FWIW.

A lot of us tend to think of all or nothing scenarios in terms of relationships to other people. We put so much expectation into them that we start to feel overwhelmed by them, so then we withdraw. I do that with dating and friendships and it's something I am currently working on improving through therapy as well.

So you are definitely not alone.