Overly Affectionate Parents

[Jane]

Is my Dad's affection inappropriate?
I've always considered my relationship with my dad to be pretty great. Maybe not deep, but close. Growing up I thought my Dad was the best guy in the world. He made me feel safe and I always knew what to expect. One aspect of our relationship that I have always noticed was different from other girls relationships with their Dads was that we were very touchy-feely. My dad rarely lets me walk by without touching me in some way. A hug, a hand grab, a pinch on the side. Lots of long lingering hugs. Spooning on the couch or in my parents bed well into high school, maybe even college. He holds my hand in the car often. If I'm laying on the couch, he'll come sit next to me, put his hands on my face and GAZE at me, stroking my eyebrows and nose and tell me how cute I am and what pretty eyes/nose/whatever I have. He looks at me like I am the greatest thing in the world and then very tenderly kiss me all over the face. Something you might do to a baby...I am 32. None of this has ever felt sexual to me. I thought it was special.

BUT.....A year ago it came out that my father is a sex addict and has been having weekly meet-ups with other people who share his particular fetish. He's been doing this for 23 years. A total and complete shock to all of us. He has always been the rock of the family; the steady one. My parents are still married and trying to work it out.

It's only been within the last month that I've started to re-examine MY relationship with him and it was triggered by one of these "couch sessions". It felt wrong and made me uncomfortable. Did it always? I'm not sure.

Has anyone had any similar non-sexual, but overly affectionate experience with their parents?

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Jane,

I am the worse person to answer, because I am on the Autism spectrum, and while I have a lot of tender moments of physical intimacy, I am very careful about where and when I touch.

But I would say, it is possible, that the root cause of both your father's tender touching relationship with you and his acting out was that physicality was how he made his heart feel whole, both with non-sexual physicality and sexual physicality. It is not strictly implied that there was a sexual ulterior motive to his physicality with you.

Of course, you are the expert on your own situation. Please take care. You, through no fault of your own, have been put in a painful situation.

All the best.