Ptsd

[Baseball10]

I am 38 years old. I was a firemen for 10 years. I had a couple really bad call here. so bad i left the got diagnosed with PTSD, and depression. My wife at the time left me. I can't seem to shake this. I miss my ex wife. I am like a glass (shattered) please help.

Thank you

[Jenny Jump]

Welcome. You are not alone. Stick around, give us a chance and let us love you.

Are you undergoing therapy for your PTSD? It's really important that you do, being a firefighter is a really stressful career! Have you listened to the Policeman Andy episode of the podcast? Things will get better, you have to believe it. Now that you're seeking help, it will take time to heal--but good things are going to happen.

[StruggleBus_Driver]

I agree with Jenny. A combination of therapy and medication is the most efficacious treatment protocol for PTSD.
There's a concept that Policeman Andy alluded to and its called "vicarious/secondary trauma" which first responders experience. While these people do not actually witness the trauma, the effects are very similiar. It's also a tricky son-of-a-gun because many people invalidate their experience because the trauma did not actually happen to them. That's a recipe for disaster. The road has been paved for healing. Hope on board my friend.

[Baseball10]

I do see a therapist. I thought this would go away. It hasn't though. One day I was normal then the next day I couldn't get back on the truck. The start of my shift my ex wife called and told me we were having a child. That night I fell through a floor in a fire. That was my last call. I just couldn't do it anymore. My wife never understood what happen to me. Within a year my wife left me. It's hard to explain depression and PTSD. I am not bleeding nor do I have any broken bones. I can't explain it why I almost have a panic attack when I hear a sirens. This has hit me like a baseball bat. I grieve everyday. I can't come to terms with losing my identity and losing my family. It's been 1 year 5 months and 17 days and it still feels like day one. I don't how anyone recovers from this.

[Jenny Jump]

Big hugs to you.

[StruggleBus_Driver]

One day at a time. I think of trauma as having your "bubble burst." You have some sort of cherished belief such as "life is supposed to be fair" "only bad things shouldn't happen to good people" or a belief about being bulletproof. Then all of the sudden, something happens that literally shatters your world view. The next step is how do you repair that bubble and create a life worth living.

*On a side note, thank you for your service. I'm sure you understood that you may have to make physical sacrifices, but not emotional and maybe even spiritual sacrifices. So thanks for putting all of yourself in harm's way so people can feel a little safer.*

[Baseball10]

This has been nothing but heartbreaking. I don't know how a spouse that says that they love you leaves you for another man. I would feel different if I was abusive in anyway. I am guilty of laying in a dark room grieving. I struggle everyday with this. Now I have to live for the rest if my life with the loss of my career and the picture of my wife in the arms of another man. This is something I can't bounce back from. Everyone says you just have to move on. I can't

[Baseball10]

My PTSD was not just from one call. 10 years of being a firemen at the busiest house in the fire department didn't help thing. Seeing teenagers mangled in wrecks. Seeing a 10 year old girl burnt to death , seeing sucicde's etc . All of it hit me at once.

[phantom]

I'm so sorry to read about your wife leaving. Sadly most people do not have the tools to deal with someone else's trauma - not to mention their own.

[weary]

Hey Man. I've read your post about five times this week, and it hits me really hard each time. You remind me of someone I know - older, but similar. Ex-firefighter. Really bad PTSD (from Vietnam + firefighting). Had a bad accident that ended his firefighting career. He has finally started getting help recently after literally decades of denial and anger and frustration that really hurt the people around him, and he has started to turn a corner and is starting to reclaim his life.

I'm sorry to hear about what your wife did. If she left because she couldn't deal with your PTSD and depression, that says a lot more about her than about you. You sound like a really strong person that just hit his limit after dealing with a lot more stress and horror than anyone should have to deal with. None of this is your fault. I'm really glad that you are in therapy - you sound like a strong enough person that you will be able to rebuild your life brick by brick. I feel for you. Be well and be kind to yourself. You will get through this and life will be good again.