hi

[john1967]

So...
Im 45,divorced, father of 2 boys. Listening for about 2 years and i love Paul's painful honesty
Dx'd with cyclothymia about a year ago. Every day is a challenge. My oldest son (9) has Autism, my youngest has anxiety problems. I was married for 17 years. We dated for 8 years. She left me and moved in with the guy she had an affair with.

Right now my existance seems wrapped up in this house. It was the one she wanted. Im upside down in the mortgage. Its falling apart and everywhere i look i see things wrong with the house that make me want to burn it oto the ground. Too much to fix. I feel im stuck here. Its too big, i cant afford it, and it reminds me of her.

Today was the most comfortable i felt with the idea of dying. Everything seems a bridge too far.
I know these felings will pass, but i also know they will be back
Im not getting anything out of this life

[B-annie]

Hi....
Are you on any meds or seeing a therapist?

[john1967]

Was on Seroquil for a few weeks but couldn't function at work or with my son who can be quite demanding.
Took Xanax during my divorce. It took the edge off things
Currently I don't take any.
I see a therapist pretty regularly.

My cycling seems worse when my boys are not with me.
It is exhausting.

[Fredbo]

I feel for you brother... Nothing worse than having big responsibilities and feeling stuck. I am not a financial advisor but sometimes it is better to start over... Check this out:
http://m.yahoo.com/w/legobpengine/finan ... lang=en-us
A fresh start may be in order... The weight of life can be so crushing. Welcome to the forum.

[AlmostWell]

Welcome. I hope you find some peace within these forums.