25 yr old woman, struggling to find herself...

[stephyogameup]

Hi Everyone. I've been a listener for over a year now. I never get tired of your show, Paul; it has helped me in so many ways.

I'm 25, female, and have been struggling with what I realized has been depression for the last couple of years. I had a happy childhood, nothing really bad ever happened to me. My parents divorced when I was 16; my dad cheated on my mom and left. He is an alcoholic and has been since before I was born, but I didn't know until they split up. He has been through a lot of shit because of his alcoholism after the divorce, including another failed marriage, getting arrested for a night, and losing his job/entire career due to drinking.

In 2010 my aunt passed away from cancer, my mom lost our house, and my grandmother passed away. I ended a three year relationship. I graduated college with no direction or idea of what I want to do with my life. Last year, my little sister tried to kill herself by sending me a text at 1:00 AM (I was on vacation four hours away). I drove back home til 5:00 AM thinking my sister was dead in a ditch somewhere. That really messed me up and I think I'm suffering from PTSD a bit. Now, I work two part-time dead-end jobs. I've had major ups and downs over the past year. I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember but it never took over my life. But now, I can't deny my depression. It's getting dark and I sometimes just have the thought of what if I just wasn't here anymore? And I still don't know what to do with my future.

This weekend I had a major talk with someone that used to be in my life. He really pushed me to go into therapy. I can't continue being so stuck and unhappy, so I'm finally going to take the step and find someone to talk to. It scares me so so so much, but I just have to do it. There's no getting out of this. I'm going to find another thread to post in about first-time therapy and finding someone to talk to.

Thanks for reading my partial life story. It all seems so small when I type it out like that. I hope to get a lot out of this forum.

-Steph

[oak]

Welcome, Steph.

I am glad you posted.

I am sorry for the loss of your aunt and your grandmother.

I am happy you got a bachelors degree; that opens alot of doors!

You know, sometimes people get sober after years of drinking, and I hope your father finds some healing there.

Good for you for reaching out to a friend, listening to their advice, and being willing to take action to look into therapy. I think you are further along than you may suspect.

btw, just today as I was mowing the lawn I also wondered if life would be better without me. So you are not alone in wondering that.

[inmymind]

Welcome Steph,

I hope you find a good therapist. Admitting your are depressed is a good first step. I think you need to rest your mind for a while as you start therapy. It will get better.

Warmest,
InMyMind