So this is life . . .

[BlackHole]

Just about to turn 31, and the depression and anxiety are no better than they were when I was 13. Awesome. Weekly therapy and an array of medications have simply kept me from not attempting to kill myself (again, and again), although I awake daily to the thought of ceasing to be.

I'm sure that many if not all of you share my sentiments regarding feeling:

- worthless
- listless
- broken
- insecure
- burdensome
- mentally foggy/forgetful/absentminded
- lame
- discouraged
- useless
- stupid
- undervalued (by others AND SELF)
- angry. like, forever FUMING.
- rejected
- DEjected
- like a total and constant failure
- abandoned
- forgotten
- etc., etc., etc.

Woe is me, pity party thrower extraordinaire. And this little piggy goes, "Wah, wah, wah" all the way home, every time, because life has been one big fat black, steamy pile of disappointment from day friggin' one.

My favorite bit of unsolicited advice from people who are obviously radically successful at life: "Snap out of it!" Now why didn't I think of that! Genius.

So, besides all that, I am a mom of 2, a wife for the 2nd time in my life, an out-of-work, entry-level administrative medical specialist, and rejecter of conventional "wisdom". And liker of oxymorons such as "conventional wisdom".

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello BlackHole, welcome to our little forum. Make yourself at home in the threads and topics here!

Forum tips: You can keep up with all activity on the forum by clicking “View active topics” under the main Board index. And when you post, you can subscribe to the replies by clicking on “Subscribe topic” at the bottom of the page – this also allows you to subscribe to new replies of any topic that interests you.

Please take care, you are not alone, keep the lines of communication open, and we are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow.

[Sherlock]

Welcome to the forum, BlackHole. I feel awful that you feel that way so I can't help pointing some things out--

- worthless
- useless

Logic: YOU ARE A MOTHER. Even if you think you're a bad one... your kids NEED YOU. You are so valuable to them it automatically deflects the "worthless" aspect. SERIOUSLY. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world because it's a lifetime gig and your kids need you. So you know, try and get out of that mindset with that logic, at least! Believe me, my parents aren't the world's best--but worthless? Pishaw, they freaking fed me, clothed me and put a roof over my head--basics you can't ever get over when you are a child, even if some emotional needs are neglected.

You are definitely not stupid if you know what the word oxymoron is and how to use it. That's SAT level vocab.

I wish I could tell you how to move beyond simply therapy or meds to find a solution to your problems... but yeah I'm no professional and I'm definitely not there yet, myself. It would be a repeat of all the shit you've heard before and probably hasn't worked for you, either. Start by just being nicer to yourself in your head and see how it works out... if your therapist isn't putting thoughts in there that boost positive thoughts about yourself--seek another therapist?

Best I can give you. Don't give up, you're a fucking trooper in my view for having battled this for so long and still coming on these forums. You're one of us raritans that can admit that Life is Shit (Dead Milkmen--I'm on your level, see ) and admit your own problems--think of how many sad sacks are out there that don't even think they're depressed and fucked up when they so are. Psssht, I say.

Sorry if this was all a bit too chipper for ya. I really wish you all the best and for some mental and emotional peace in your future.

[LimitedAdventure]

Hi BlackHole, I'm sorry you're going through this, something you wrote tripped a trigger in me. The callous things people say when they think they're helping, like "snap out of it," and "get over it." Paul was telling a story on his show not too long ago about a therapist that said something along the lines of, "If you could just start healing. You know? If you could just start healing, then it would start to pick up it's own momentum and the healing would happen faster and faster, if you could only just start." Yeah, right, like I haven't fucking thought of that. It's amazing what thoughtlessness is out there where people are suffering. And vulnerable. And some of the people saying that shit are fucking therapists!

Well, I'm here only to empathize with you as Sherlock said what they said so well, and I second all of it. I'm glad you're here!