I want to help too much

[Imissmysun]

Hi!

I'm new - though I have listened to the podcast for about a month now - I am really hoping to find some outlet here to get help to get validation that I feel things that are important and worth while.

I have chronic depression - I guess I am a functional depressed person - if such a thing exists - I live in a ball of anxiety that stifles me completely - my inner voice is a wretched malicious thing that keeps me from loving myself, I know it speaks insidious lies - but those lies have been with me for so long they seem more true than the truth.

I don't want to super over share - I am working on those boundary things that people seem to think make them emotionally helpful but I have been through the death of a parent - abuse by a step parent - abuse by partners - self harm - depression - acting out sexually (due to abuse by step father) and tendencies to reclusiveness and inwardness - I disassociate a lot more than I would like

I am trying to get healthier and happier - that mountain is so big -

Message me if you want to know more about me...

I hope I'm a good sort

[brownblob]

Welcome to the board.
I'm chronically depressed with the same little voice in my head. Just wanted to tell you you're not alone and best of luck to you on your journey over that mountain.

[Beany Boo]

Imissmysun,

Good morning

Chronically, functionally depressed people definitely do exist. Hello.

And the thing about boundaries is they turn insidious lies into gold.

"I am not worthy... of your neglect"

"I am shit... at being your emotional rag doll"

"There is no future... in which I keep pretending just so you can save face"

The mountain is big but it's not all on you to get to the top; its not all your mountain; the mountain can begin to reduce in size as you edge forward.

Happy and healthy can come but maybe not quite in the form or by the route expected. Being able to accurately express simple disappointment to a caregivers face for example can create memories of pure joy. Unfortunately just feeling that kind of disappointment can be the very thing that is forbidden, currently.

What I'm saying here is really about me so I could be saying wrong things, so apologies for that. I don't want to over share either and I desperately hope I have shown I have heard you in my response, but I wish you well.

[Imissmysun]

Thank you for the kind words and im really grateful im not the only oversharer on here. I mean i know the forum is kind of a place to say hey look at my big plate of garbage that i have vomited for you but at the same time i want mine to look more like a plate of baby spit up its a lot easier to take in. Im just thankful to have a place where others get me and wont judge me and for once someone other than my therapist will validate me.

So thank you and i dont mind hearing anyones 'stuff' often times that helps me understsnd my stuff too. So stuff away

[oak]

Thanks for introducing yourself!

I think you are kind and have a very fine mind.

You seem very kind. It is good to have you on this forum.

Hang in there. I wish I could write something that doesn't seem trite, so I'll leave it at: you seem like a good person.