Reaching Out

[Hard To Kill]

Hi everyone,

So I'm gonna go by my screen name 'Hard To Kill' here, rather than my actual name, as I don't think I can handle that just yet. I am a British woman in my late twenties.

I have clinical depression, and am on meds, but I guess as many of you experience, it's cyclical. I can go weeks or even months feeling fine, and being a productive member of society, working well, writing a decent amount, keeping the house clean, etc. etc. However. Then a phase comes along where all of that goes to hell. I sleep a ridiculous amount, find no joy in activities I normally love, like reading, writing, and cooking. I do the bare minimum work wise, and all the while feel lazy and like I don't really have a right to feel this way. I'm always finding myself questioning whether I'm *actually* depressed, or whether I just suck. But I guess that's the insidious voice of depression for you.

I was diagnosed 12 years ago, and am finding I can see the down spirals coming now, and have been to counselling. However, counselling is kind of expensive, and trying to get it on the NHS without having a suicide attempt under your belt is a nightmare.

I imagine many of you feel this way: lazy, unproductive, like you don't deserve to be nice to yourself, but that you ought to just pull your socks up and damn well Get On With It. My question is: what do you do to try and deal with these periods?

I hope this is an appropriate post for this thread - it's somewhat of a ramble, but I think it sums up my situation pretty well. I'm glad to be here, and look forward to getting to know you guys.

Chin up,
Hard To Kill. xx

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello "Hard to Kill"

I relate to all you said. Right now showering and exercise is a challenge. I am learning to speak to my inner child in the same way that I spoke to my daughter when she was young, because I am always meanest when I talk to myself.

1) I forgive myself for being myself, with my limitations

2) I tell my younger self inside of me that I love him

3) I don't want to overexert myself in a way that will just lead to a crash, so I keep my actions sustainable to be repeated over the days to come

4) I keep things realistic knowing my limitations

5) I have patience for myself. This is tough for me. When I don't get immediate success I want to give up on myself. I put myself in the mindset of the patience that I had for my daughter when she was young.

6) I dive into the activity reminding myself that the loving thing is to do the activity now because that way I avoid the consequences of procrastinating

7) I am self-nurturing and self-soothing during the activity

Please be self-loving to yourself, "Hard to Kill". It would mean a lot to me.

Moe

[solo_in_the_big_city]

Hi, Hard to Kill

I recognize a lot of the feelings you mention. (I also lived for several years in Britain and am familiar with the "pull your socks up" pressure.)

To answer your question, what do other people do? Sometimes it helps me to do just one thing, like cleaning out the kitchen sink. I try not to look at the whole messy kitchen. Just do one thing that I know will improve my life. Then feel good that I did it. Sometimes I can work up some momentum to tackle the whole project, sometimes not. My therapist is always reminding me not to judge the feelings I'm having now. The feelings are fine.